Women love to use “you just don’t get it” as their mic drop to explain insane behavior. It cuts both ways, because there’s stuff about being a guy that women just don’t get.
We will miss sometimes, and when the ammunition is liquid — sometimes there will be a little brass left on the battlefield. We're not doing it on purpose, but you have to understand we're not firing at point-blank range like you are. A couple of rounds won't always make it all the way down range.
We're not supposed to look at your cleavage, and we know this. But we're also fighting against millions of years of instincts that makes it really tough not to. Most of us don't want to do the creepy stare, but it just kind of happens, then we end up super conscious of it, which makes it even tougher.
Especially when the weather is hot. It's not like you can just reach down there and start moving the twigs and berries… you have to be subtle. The problem is that there's no real way to be subtle about it. Finding new and subtle methods of reorganizing the tackle box gets tough.
A woman gets a shaving cut, and she can wear pants. Or hose. Or whatever. We cut ourselves shaving and we're sporting a bullet wound the whole day — and that's when we remember to take the tissue off. All day long… "Ooo, you really nicked yourself didn't you?" Thanks, Diane. Hadn't noticed.
Men are not Legos. Having a Y chromosome doesn't make all of us instant friends. Just because you have a boyfriend and your girlfriend has a boyfriend doesn't mean we're going to be best buds with the guy. In fact, more often than not — the guy's a tool. It's awkward and you never seem to care.
When boots need knocking, women have lingerie. What go guys have? Boxer briefs? We wear those for basketball, that's not sexy. Jockey shorts? Are you kidding? Anything labeled "Men's Lingerie" is always the creepiest thing ever. There's nothing we can wear for our women that's designed for a first class trip to the most beautiful beach resort.
Women for some reason cannot space out. We do it all the time and it's tough to turn off. It's like a screensaver — it pops up after a few minutes of inactivity. You think we're mad, high, or both; when really, we just need to jiggle the mouse a little. Sometimes the flying toasters come up.
It's just a thing that happens. There's no way to shut it off until we're like 60 years old. That's just what it does. It's there first thing in the morning, and it's just… there. You want some of it, it's there… if you don't, that's fine too.
We're talking about the automatic setting on the coffee maker, right?
When it rains, it pours. Change that status to "in a relationship" and then watch the clock. You have 36 hours before three exes and a co-worker show interest. You're perfectly happy with your new girlfriend, but where was all of this before?
Some of us simply aren't very handy. Not all guys know how to fix things, and for some stupid reason that's a bad thing. It shouldn't be, but it's worse than getting castrated when something's busted and you have to call a professional, or even worse — your father-in-law.