Many couples struggle with reconciling large imbalances in their sex drives. It’s also not a static thing where each person just stays “that way” forever. It’s common for the sexual energy to ebb and flow in a long-term relationship.

All those mixed emotions and hard feelings surrounding this for you are perfectly normal too.

No matter your sexual drive, there are ways to navigate this situation so you feel better understood and less anguished about your level of sexual interest.

• Communication

The biggest killer in relationships is not talking about issues head-on and connecting openly about them.

Share what’s been on your mind, and say that you notice you’re carrying a lot of energy around it, so you need to communicate about.

When you finally address the elephant in the room, it makes both of you feel less alone and removes a huge amount of the mind-reading games that can happen whenever there is a sense of dissonance in the relationship.

• Don’t take it personally

We’re extra sensitive about our partner being sexually interested in us. So doing your best to take your ego out of the equation will work wonders.

Your partner’s lower libido doesn’t say anything about you or their attraction to you. People just have different energetic set points. Our hormones and personalities are wildly different. Some people feel like they need to have 5-10+ orgasms a week, whereas others are fine with once a week. So, if a part of your mind does feel worried that they aren’t attracted to you, it’s crucial to discuss it directly.

• Engage in extended self-pleasure more often

It’s important to remember that your partner isn’t the one solely responsible for meeting your sexual needs. Sometimes (or more regularly) you need to take things into your own hands.

Self-pleasuring isn’t cheating, nor is it a failure of either person in the relationship. Sometimes it’s just practical action. But if you’re going to do it, it should have certain constraints.

• Don’t rule out health issues

If one of you has a seriously low libido, don’t rule out the possibility that physical and chemical issues (like hormone imbalances) are at play.