One of the biggest mistakes we can make when we are single is to settle with the wrong person because they are close to what we want or because we feel have too. That is the worst thing you can do, it never works out. There is always that niggling doubt at the back of your head saying is he “really what I want”?

I think everybody at some point navigates most of these scenarios, I know I did!

Countless times you hear the story of the girl who got pregnant and now they are “going to try and make it work”.  Staying with somebody out of obligation, guilt, shame or because ‘I must’ never ever works out because there is a voice saying in the back of your head “could things be different with someone else”. I have yet to meet a woman who would not love to have her fairytale story of “falling deeply in love with the man of her dreams”.

So if you’re pregnant and he is not what you want, take the risk. You will find the guy who will love you for you and will love your little one too. But to stay in a dead end union because you feel you should is not the answer. Nothing good comes from “I should”.

2. Your family and friends like him
Have you lived at home so long you never got the opportunity to develop your own identity? Fear of upsetting your family and friends if you disagreed with their choice of what is best for you? This is actually very common. It is good for us to get away from our early days to discover who we are, make our own mistakes and discover we can accomplish anything if we put our minds to it.

Our family and friends have great influence on us, and what we can achieve and have. So just take note that your family and friends have your best interests at heart when it comes to love and make your own decision. It is you who has to live with him for the next 30 years.

Have you dated too many bad boys in your past life and decided you needed to change and go with the good guy? Fearful you will never meet the guy you will “actually like” you settle with the nice boy. The boy who says nice things at the kitchen table and gives your mum a chuckle; the guy who is all set to marry you, and your married friends tell you to go ahead with it because they want to see you settled with a family like them. They want to see you are happy.

Redefine happiness, kids put strain on a relationship. Even the guy you are hot for gets annoying after 15 years of marriage. So be warned don’t settle for the good guy, settle for the guy who is good and you’re hot for, it’s so much more pleasurable, and sustainable.

4. You are under their spell
This really makes me sad, some of you will get the courage to escape and some of you won’t.  Let me tell you my own story. I dated a guy I once, I remember I was not that into him but I kissed him and then he kept wanting to see me. The relationship happened very quickly, he was always around like my knight in shining armor. We moved in together, got a dog and were playing happy families before I knew it. But then the cracks started to show. He would cause fights in bars, I was up to my neck in debt and the final straw was the day he banged my dogs head off the bin because she was being a dog. This is true!

I was under his spell, I lived with him now and he got very angry all the time. I did not know how I was going to escape. I had no idea what he would do to himself, me or the dog.

5. You have invested so much in the relationship so far
Bought a few houses together as an investment, have a mortgage together, maybe a little daughter? You have invested so much in the relationship now you feel it would be impossible to leave. This is very common. I have a friend in the USA who wants to leave her partner but gives me all the excuses why she can’t. I had a friend in Ireland and it took her 10 years to leave her horrible boyfriend.

It not that you can’t get out, it is “When are you going to get up the courage to take bold action and get out?”

These are some of the hard faced facts of some of the gut wrenching scenarios women get themselves into and don’t know how to get out of. A lot of what I write about it is from my own experience. This article is not designed to scare you but to make you think about your own situation, and perhaps give you hope that you can escape scary situations and get to your happy ever after.