It’s such a beautiful weather. It’s about 2am. It is cold and the aroma from the mud after the light shower alone puts me in such a relaxed mood. But as I lay awake on my bed, I realize I’m not just the only person, but that, I have company. And hey, I’m talking about my adorable, wise and energetic woman, sleeping with such a rosy face. In fact, her head on my chest alone gives me a certain feeling of responsibility and I feel proud about it.

She awakes and smiles as I try to move out of bed for the washroom. Oh, she melted my heart already!

But this has been a scary journey I chose to embark on. In today’s world, some of the women are crazy and I mean, they can do the unthinkable. It was hard for me to know who to choose. Because all of them had this ‘I like you, I love you attitude’. You know what I’m saying? But you get close and it’s just a Cinderella step mom, ready to squeeze the life of out of ya. I prayed and fasted. But the more I did, the more I felt a little confused. And finally, boom! It hits me and I can say I’m there. That’s why she’s in my bosom. In fact, we’ve been married for seven years now with two gorgeous children. Did I hear you say bravo with a clap? Please do if you didn’t.

And you know, this is another responsibility and a feeling that could be scary at times. I remember spending my lunch hour in the office on a Monday asking myself questions. How do I know she would not turn into a beast the next few years of our togetherness? How do I tell she’ll really be there for me when I need her most? How can I be sure she’s not in for your money? How do I know when I leave the house, my home will be kept with her and she can raise our children to be responsible in society? For about thirty minutes I was still quizzing myself and asking how sure I was that I could take care of her needs? (financial, emotional, ect…you name it…women have lots of needs..Haha)

I can laugh about it now but these are the deep seated fears I had to deal with to have my heart beat on my bed.

Another one is the fact that these white weddings and pressure here and there( family, friends, society) are just another drama to handle. Well, this was not necessarily my issue. My good paddy, Kobi had this issue. He was also preparing to get married around the same time I planned mine. He told me his salary was not even so much to handle these ‘expensive stuff’. Plus, he wasn’t ready to get a loan for his marriage either. In fact, that was out of the question. And the rent charges are like bitter icing on the cake of pressure. He told me.  Yet like me with my other challenges, he had to make this choice.

Fortunately his fiancé agreed to have a simple but adorable engagement. After that they went to see the Pastor who blessed it in his office in the Church. But in all of these, I also learnt that if your woman truly loves you she can help you handle this pressure. Someone said, cut your coat according to the size of your material because if you do otherwise, your size might be too big for your material and you cannot afford it. Funny right?

I’ll come back again to my story but let me tell you one more thing. It’s an experience I had with a lady before I met my love.

This lady had been a friend. I mean a platonic one until I invited her to my house one day. I cooked, we ate, we watched TV and started to chat just about anything but along the line, she was shocked and disdained that I had not made any attempt towards her sexually so well, after some minutes she left and then sent me a text. ‘ Are you okay? Do you have your feelings all put together? How come you just let me go like that?’  Then I paused and started asking myself more questions. Well, we’re still friends but thankfully I’m married now.

Now, due to this experience plus some stories almost along the same lines my friends told me, I really wanted to be sure that I wasn’t going to marry someone who would pretend to be an angel. My wife is not perfect, please don’t get me wrong. But I felt I needed someone who would be faithful to me when I’m away…say on a course that may keep me away from home for about six months or even a year and still be sure that she’s my undefiled pearl.

My other fear when I met my wife was the fact that she wasn’t from a perfect home. Her mum and dad weren’t together and she had a place of her own. I couldn’t be sure that she was really from a good home. This was prompted by the experience I had with the other lady who actually was from a good background; and it made my case more difficult for me but my wife I can confidently say is one of a kind. She’s got her principles put together. I only had to be patient and observant.

I don’t want to bore you with lots of issues but I can say that if you can only put those fears behind, search in and out of your spirit and heart, you’ll find a good woman. My story is not one in a million. There’re a lot around. 

Tags: