Happy Valentine! Now, let me ask you --- how did you respond to this greeting in your mind and heart? Then ask yourself why, or ask yourself why not?

The fact is that it is all about LOVE, and how we view or interpret it, and use it in all the various aspects of life. But do we really understand genuine love?

Let us admit first of all, that love is NOT sex. You can “un-lovingly” engage in all the sexual activities you can imagine, and still have no fraction of even an atom of love.

A basic truth is that love is thrilling and liberating, and produces real joy and freedom in relationships rather than bondage. 

The more you love, the more you expect, and that is why you feel more hurt when the one you love disappoints or offends you.

True love corrects; but genuine love also gives ample room for liberty and growth in the life of the person being loved, and freedom plus growth in the life of the receiver of the love as well, which causes more mature and much needed love to be produced and shared.

Any form of love that restricts, frustrates, competes, despises, ridicules, domineers, controls, suppresses, forces its way into a person’s life, and exhibits selfishness or self-interest, is NOT genuine love.

Real love is act of the will, supported and fueled by passionate or emotional or “feeling” love. We don’t use the “feeling love” to date, court, marry or relate meaningfully to people --- your gas will run out real quick if you do that! The relationship will then become stale, tedious, amorphous (shapeless), and boring.

That explains many of the frustrations in courtships and marriages, and all other forms of relationships.

Feelings will always change, but God’s love (agape love) poured into a surrendered obedient heart, and a mind that has deliberately decided to love someone, will always overcome obstacles and continue to love the one.

Such a loving person will depend heavily on God’s grace, understand the weaknesses of mankind, and make conscious effort to DECIDE TO CONTINUE LOVING and constantly refuel and re-shape the tools necessary to maintain the infrastructure of looking out for the best interests of the other person. When this is done mutually, the people involved will always remain in love, support each other, and enjoy each other.

Love has been defined, re-defined, and expressed in so many ways by many people and in varieties of cultures to the extent that many of us have lost the true meaning of genuine love. We therefore have varied opinions on the definition and nature or marks of true love.

I have analyzed and concluded on the following definitions of love:

a) Giving and forgiving

Every kind of love and its demonstration or expression involves some form of giving. I need to emphasize that you can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. Forgiveness will (and must) always accompany any act of love. If you cannot show consistent forgiveness towards someone you relate to, then it is likely that your love for that person is shallow.

“For God so LOVED the world that He GAVE His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (St. John 3:16).

b) Godliness

 Any godly character is also a loving character. This is because God is love – His Spirit, Presence, and Nature are all constructed and saturated with love. God is therefore the Origin of love. This is the basis of fruit of God’s Spirit which is initiated by love as the first fruit. Anyone who does not or cannot love people from his or her heart cannot be classified as a person who possesses the true nature of God.

“God is love” (1 John 4:8).

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Gal. 5:22, 23).

c) Obeying God’s word

Obedience to the word of God is a major definition that Jesus gave to us for love. In an effort to obey God’s commandments, a person will be automatically operating in the realm of love and people will feel the loving results of his or her words, deeds, and attitude.

“If you love Me, keep My commandments. He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. If anyone loves Me he will keep My word” (St. John 14:15, 21, 23).

d) Laying down your life for someone

True love involves some form of sacrifice of one’s life in one way or another for his or her neighbor. Deliberate and continual practice of sincere love will ultimately develop into sacrificial love in the life of the person.

Laying down of your life or demonstration of sacrificial love is fueled by God’s Spirit, God’s word, and emotional love that is stirred in your mind, heart, and spirit by God who is the author of love. 

We need to understand that true love sincerely cares (looks out) for the welfare, interests, needs, rights, and opinions of a partner or neighbor.

I need to emphasize that love is NOT blind, deaf, insensitive, senseless (stupid), purposeless (casual, capricious or impulsive), or wayward (erratic, directionless). God exhorts us to exercise love with “knowledge and all discernment (Philippians 1:9).

In the Bible, 1 Corinthians chapter 13 describes real love, and gives us some of its primary characteristics.

God makes it clear to us through that scripture that love is:

1) patient (suffers long)

2) kind, not envious

3) not boastful (does not parade itself)

4) not proud (not puffed up)

5) does not behave rudely

6) not self-seeking (not selfish)

7) not easily provoked

8) thinks no evil

9) does not rejoice in iniquity (hates evil)

10) rejoices in the truth

11) bears all things

12) believes all things (total trust)

13) hopes all things (has faith for the best outcome)

14) endures all things

15) and NEVER fails

And therefore love is

16) the greatest virtue that abides

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13).

Regarding true love, I finally drew conclusions that:

a) True love gives, shares, and sacrifices.

b) True love has knowledge and total (all) discernment (Philippians 1:9).

c) True love communicates.

d) True love is committed and responsible (willingly executes duties).

e) True love corrects.

f) True love is disciplined.

g) True love builds character.

h) True love produces godliness.

i) True love has faith, and is full of hope (1 Corinthians 13:13).

j) True love forgives and forgets.

k) True love produces joy and peace.

l) True love builds intimacy and promotes fellowship.

(This is an excerpt from Dr. Kisseadoo’s book “Intimacy In Relationships”, with a few additions at the beginning).

By Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo, Biology Professor, Minister, Marriage, Home, and Family Counselor, and Author, Virginia, USA. E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com.

Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana, to listen to Dr. Kisseadoo’s weekly broadcast “Hope For Your Family” on Sat. 5:30am-6am, Ghana time (12:30am-1:00am, US Eastern Time in Nov-March). Access the broadcast from anywhere in the world on the Internet with MYJOYONLINE.COM.

For free counseling, programs, prayer, messages, books, speaking engagements, call Dr. Kisseadoo in Virginia on 1-757-7289330 (or call Fruitful Ministries on 233-20-8126533 or 233-276-322982 in Accra or 233-275-353802 in Kumasi, Ghana). Website for resources: www.fruitfulministriesint.com. Access some of his books from RedLeadBooks.com or Amazon.com by using his name Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo to search.

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