Overview As a parent, you walk a fine line between keeping your teen's life an open book and giving too much privacy. Your teen is beginning to explore his adult identity, so he wants more privacy for himself, but it's still your responsibility as his parent to protect him from poor and even dangerous choices. By giving controlled privacy, you show respect for your teen's thoughts and feelings without allowing him to abuse the safety of your home and the technology and relationships therein. Define Privacy Before you change rules and make allowances for your teen's privacy, take a walk together so you have a chance to talk without distractions and to define what privacy means to both of you. While privacy might mean a private computer and an unshared room to your teen, you might view privacy as your teen's right to withhold some information from you. By talking about privacy and what it means to each of you, you'll have a better idea of how to give your teen the privacy she needs while still staying in control and offering help whenever necessary. Private area Even if you prefer that your teen's room be a common area of the home and open to visitors at any time, giving your teen a private space helps him store and keep things that he'd rather not share. Ask him to show you where his private space will be, whether it's a closet or drawer in his room, so he's aware you know where he keeps his private things. Never check in that private space unless you've notified your teen that you suspect something dangerous or inappropriate and need to look in the private closet, drawer or space. Ask for information It's tempting to snoop through your teen's journal or social-media accounts to find out more about her activities, but doing so could be seen as an inappropriate invasion of privacy, causing a further rift between you. If you've witnessed behavior that causes concern, tell your teen first. Whenever possible, ask that your teen divulge information before you invade her privacy and breach your original agreements. However, if your teen constantly leaves out personal material for you to see, she may actually want you to read it because she's unsure of how to approach the subject. Before you read a journal or personal letter, let your teen know you've found it and ask whether it's OK that you read. Don't force it When you ask your teen how his day went and he responds with a one-word answer, avoid forcing him to tell you more. His lack of information could be a way of keeping some of his thoughts and feelings private. Instead of pushing and nagging for more information, ask questions that require more than a one-word answer. For instance, instead of "How was soccer practice?" ask, "What was your favorite part of soccer practice?" Your teen can then decide how much information he'd like to give you and what remains private.