Why is the silent treatment so painful?
As social creatures, we depend on the response and feedback of other people we feel emotionally connected to. It is biologically programmed in us to look for cues from others to feel safe and connected in the world. For example, when babies were ignored by their mothers for even a couple of minutes during the landmark “still face experiments" conducted in 1975, the infants quickly became disoriented and visibly distressed. On a visceral level, we are similarly impacted by being ignored even as adults. Between romantic or married partners, the silent treatment is often referred to as stonewalling, which is defined as "a persistent refusal to communicate or to express emotions," and considered one of the most destructive patterns in relationships. The silent treatment creates isolation and destroys connection, so relationships in which one or both partners regularly shut down and stonewall the other don’t tend to last.Silent treatment creates an absence of information and therefore uncertainty on the receiving end. This evokes a sense of unease.
The mind of the person who is being ignored automatically begins trying to fill the void by coming up with possible explanations for the silence. When you're being ignored, it's normal to search for reasons and attempt to interpret the situation so you can regain a sense of control and determine your next steps. Your interpretations, however, are prone to be colored by your own unease, and therefore to focus us on the negative spectrum of possibilities, such as being rejected, disliked, abandoned, or unloved by the person ignoring you. In response to the distress you feel when being ignored, it's common to do any or all of the following things:- You might shut down too to protect yourself from getting hurt
- You may get angry and attack in order to provoke some kind of response from a person who is ignoring you
- You might overcompensate with attempts to cater to and please the other person
Here are three steps to follow when responding to the silent treatment:
- Practice loving-kindness toward yourself.
- Cultivate loving-kindness toward the person who is ignoring you.
- Seek clarification from the other person with genuine curiosity and kindness.
DISCLAIMER: The Views, Comments, Opinions, Contributions and Statements made by Readers and Contributors on this platform do not necessarily represent the views or policy of Multimedia Group Limited.
Tags:
Latest Stories
-
‘I won’t retract the truth; sue me now’ – Ablakwa dares Freddie Blay
19 mins -
We’ve goofed a little – NPP MP on detained medical supplies at the port
37 mins -
One trapped as structure collapses at Tema Community 22 Starlight Market
48 mins -
Freddie Blay demands apology from Ablakwa, others for state capture claims, threatens lawsuit
51 mins -
Crispen celebrates African youth resilience with ‘Mafaro’
53 mins -
Health Minister orders GHS to submit report on abandoned patient within 30 days
60 mins -
B3du’s ‘Holy Water’: A Harmonious blend of love and joy
1 hour -
Zoomlion Foundation and partners launch ‘Keep Your Mind on the Road’ campaign
8 hours -
Mahama commends Hudu Mogtari for supporting NDC’s 2024 campaign
10 hours -
Italy begin European Championship title defence with 2-1 win over Albania
11 hours -
Kwadwo Duah scores in Switzerland Euro 2024 win over Hungary
11 hours -
Spain make light of Croatia in Euro 2024 opener
11 hours -
Former Legon Cities goalkeeper William Essu dies at 22
11 hours -
Hypertension shatters family: Father left to struggle alone
12 hours -
Alhaji Hudu Mogtari donates 25 motorbikes, pick-up and 30K to NDC’s 2024 campaign in U/West
12 hours