On 12th April 2016, the Super-Morning Show on Joy 99.7 FM hosted an incredible talent in the person of Miss Lololi Quashigah. This thirteen year old daughter of Ivan and Cate Quashigah was in the studios because at that tender age, she has successfully put together two fashion shows.

The interview was so revealing and made one to wonder where that little girl got it all from. Her story was just too brilliant and out of this world. No doubt the hosts of the programme Kojo Yankson and Nhyira Addo couldn’t help but surmise thus: there is hope for Ghana! If you missed that interaction, I recommend you get the tapes from Joy FM and take a listen.

When asked how she was able to select a team to work with in order to achieve her goals, she said she gathers interested kids below age sixteen and sends them to a boot camp where they are taken through an orientation. She said this is done to ensure that only the right people are retained. That she doesn’t want the situation where they would join her and start asking her about who was paying them etc. She also said it is at the boot camp that she makes a determination on who is in and who is out because she does not keep those who do not share her vision! She lets go of those who would pull her back and focus only on those who can add to her! My word!

Cate Quashigah, Lololi's mother

By now I had arrived at my destination and must move away from the radio but how could I when the captivating Lololi had got me glued to my seat. The best was yet to come and I knew it. The hosts of the programme were so carried away and appeared to have run short of interview questions. It was at this point she was asked the million dollar question: “What can’t you do?” and from the commentary that followed, it was obvious she was expected to have said something like ‘nothing’. But Lololi had a mind of her own. She gave a response that has got me thinking all day and all night. She gave me the response that must form the title of my novel. She took us all by surprise and gave an answer that every young girl should know, should understand, should appreciate, should believe in, should accept and live by! She said “I CANT START A FAMILY”

At 13 years Lololi believes she can do anything she puts her mind to but not to start a family. Indeed you can’t start a family at 13! You can’t, not because you are not biologically composed to, but because there’s so much to learn and do at age 13.

At 13, Lololi, like any girl of that age category must be in school. She must be studying to develop her mind, to develop her intellect and several other aspects of the complexity called the human being and the world at large. Though biologically possible to start a family at 13, it is also not advised as the body is not yet well developed for childbearing.

At 13, every child should be in school. Every child. At 13, parents should be around their children, instructing their young minds and teaching them how life works. At 13, children should be allowed to make mistakes and learn from the mistakes.

Unfortunately that is not the situation in our world today. The vicissitudes of life have turned parents into absentee and visitors where they are supposed to be the hosts. As I write, there is a story on BBC about Chinese couples leaving their children at home, about 10,000km away from their places of work in the cities. The report cited a couple who have left behind a girl of 14 years and her younger brother of 9 years. The 14 year old is the one cooking and taking care of the younger sibling and helping him with his homework etc. The report is silent on who helps that 14 year old with her homework. But as horrible and heart wrenching as the Chinese story may sound, it is better than the situation where the children are the mothers of the children under their care.

A recent news item reported the arrest of a twenty three year old grandmother who was alleged to have murdered her grandchild and buried it. At 23, this woman has a child who was old enough to have a child of her own! At 23! Do the maths and guess how old she was when she had her daughter who is old enough to have had the baby who was murdered!

Listen to Lololi again: “I can’t start a family”. If she can’t start a family and she knows it, then it presupposes that something or someone must be doing their job very well. She certainly couldn’t just be phenomenal without the support of her parents.

Her mom, who accompanied her to the studio, confirmed how she had a very strong bond with their three children. How she made time to join them to dance and share very private and personal moments together. This is a clear case of what our society would become if parents knew they had a responsibility to their offspring. Parenting is key. Responsible parenting is the main key.

I recently saw a clip on social media where a woman was seen smacking the infant on her lap in the face and pulling his cheeks in a very aggressive manner! It was supposed that she was the mother of that 3 day old looking infant who was being abused. She hit the infant so ferociously and so many times it was clear that the child was an unwelcome guest in her life. An intrusion. One wonders what would happen to that child if he was not rescued from such a mom. And even if he survives two days of such treatment, would he be a normal child, due to the obvious damage being inflicted by a woman who should not start a family!

When children who should be in school have children of their own, who teaches who what? And please don’t begin to tell me that it is not only education that would make a child who he or she should become. Sorry to disappoint you.

Parenting is too serious a job to be left to chance. Parenting is too serious to be left to the ’Nyame ne hwe nipa’ thinking (It is God who takes care of man). It is time society woke up to the realisation that we cannot continue like this and expect this country to develop in the direction of our dreams. If the generations before us missed the opportunity to listen to Lololi remind them that there should be a time for every activity under the sun, let this generation reverse it. Children must be allowed to be children.

For Lololi to respond the way she did also suggests that she knows and does not expect to have a child outside the family setting. She was probably thinking that to start a family goes beyond just having a baby so she used the word ‘start’. Parents must arise. Parents must awake!

Let Lololi remind us all of what we think we already know but make flimsy excuses not to do.

Balanced family and work life should interest the so-called middle class. Absentee parents and especially where both parents are absent should take a look at what kind of children they are bringing up.

Parents who are reliant on the so called house helps to nurture and bring up our children are as lost as the word lost. I dare say that some, if not most of these children who end up as your house helps missed the very parental care and guidance that would have made them better individuals than live under your roof as second class citizens. And yet they are the ones into whose hands you have entrusted the nurturing of your children. Parents must beware.

The good book advises: Train up a child the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

That training has the parents as a strong integral part and parental neglect would certainly destroy our future. Children should be allowed to be children. They must be allowed to grow through their mistakes, under the kind and loving supervision and guidance of their parents (as much as possible). Children must be made to understand that at this age, they just “can’t start a family”.

Kudos to the parents of Lololi. Kudos to all parents who are committed to ensuring that the children they bring to the world receive the best of parental care.

At the least, satisfy yourself that you did your best and with God involved, our efforts would not be in vain.

Thank you Lololi for awakening us to what we think we already know.