Every year, droves of people look around their homes and lives and conduct a spring clean. What's less common (but can be just as refreshing, and reinvigorating) is to apply this spring cleaning mentality to your relationship. When you spring clean your relationship, we’re not talking about dumping an old lover for a new one! A relationship spring clean is about asking those same questions of your relationship that you would ask when spring cleaning your home: Is it broken? Does it serve me well? Does it still fit the person I am today? Are there things I or we do that we’ve outgrown or should have outgrown? Is there something that we haven’t done in a year that we need to either get rid of, or bring to the forefront? So put down the bin bags and the vacuum cleaner, this is the kind of spring clean that simply can't wait. Ready?
1. Take stock
Take an inventory of what you think works and doesn’t work. What do you like about your relationship? What works well for you? What doesn’t work well for you? Ask your partner to do the same and then sit down and talk through what likely needs to change, or end, and what are the “keeper” strengths that serve your relationship well.
2. Cleanse your relationship of excuses
Excuses are justifications for bad habits forming, such as deprioritising sex, forgetting date nights, neglecting to talk, letting affection and sweetness be replaced by nagging and list-making. Get real with yourselves about what your excuses are for the unhappiness or stale feelings in your relationship and start to address them in order of importance. Brainstorm how you can change one major thing per month, starting this spring!
3. Infuse your relationship with the concept of “less is more”
If your plate is full of obligations, remove some. Less busy outside your home equals more time for one another inside your home. It’s not a do nothing approach, but rather a ‘do a little less to gain a lot more’ approach. Will you and your relationship benefit more from being on every committee and activity group, or from having more dinners sitting and talking together, reading in bed together or hugging and relaxing together? Find the balance the suits you the best.
4. Try something new
Sometimes we get complacent in our relationship and we find ourselves in a rut and things can get old and boring very fast. To combat this, identify at least one new and completely different thing to do together as a couple and go for it. Whether it’s dancing or bowling or walks along the beach or dinners out or cooking classes, aim to make it your new thing and share it and enjoy it together.
5. Remind yourself not to revert back to old patterns
Program yourself to remember why it feels so good to have some new shiny romantic behaviors with no excuses! Program your smartphone to reinforce your positive behaviors until they become habitual as the new you: have your calendar remind you to smooch longer than three seconds, text your lovee something sweet, arrange a date night, or schedule some alone time together.
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