25 tweets that paint a picture of married life

25 tweets that paint a picture of married life
Source: BBC
Date: 25-10-2018 Time: 03:10:43:am
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Welcome to marriage, where your days are spent doing never-ending loads of laundry, making (and breaking) a budget, arguing about how to clean the cast iron skillet and finding new places to hide your favorite snacks from your spouse.

OK, married life isn’t always such a drag ― we promise! But the little quirks and frustrations that go along with sharing your life with another person are surprisingly universal.

Case in point: We’ve gathered 25 relatable tweets that try to explain what married life is actually like.

1

Haunted Living for Hot Messes@HLFHM

Me: "I feel like I'm getting sick"

My husband, already wallowing in a tub full of lemon ginger water, carefully drafting his obituary: "I think I might be coming down with a little something too"

3:20 PM - Oct 1, 2018

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2

Josh@iwearaonesie

Before I got married I didn’t realize “What do you want to do today?” was a rhetorical question

2:07 PM - Oct 13, 2018

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3

Father Drinks McGee@drinksmcgee

(Walking into Leonardo da Vinci exhibit)

Wife: Why do you look so disappointed?

Me: *buttons jacket over a Ninja Turtle Shirt* No reason.

2:23 PM - Oct 9, 2018

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4

Anna Fleeman@mayBitswhiteout

Can cast-iron go in the dishwasher?
*Asking to piss off my husband

7:26 PM - Oct 12, 2018

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5

MotherPlaylist@MotherPlaylist

20% of marriage is just waiting for your spouse to fall asleep so you can eat the snacks you don’t want to share.

1:50 AM - Sep 25, 2018

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6

LipsStyx💋@LipsStyx

Married Sexting...

I'm not wearing any underwear because you didn't put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you 100 times

12:16 AM - Oct 13, 2018

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7

"Bare Minimum Parenting" comes out in 13 days@XplodingUnicorn

[eating cookies]

Wife: These aren’t empty calories.

Me: Really?

Wife: They fill me with happiness.

2:13 PM - Oct 8, 2018

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8

Sarcastic Mommy@sarcasticmommy4

My husband had surgery & can’t sit in the front seat for 6 weeks so now I have to be his chauffeur.

WHO’S THE BACKSEAT DRIVER NOW, HUH?

10:15 PM - Oct 7, 2018

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9

Chad Read@squirrel74wkgn

Me: I’m in charge of the shopping cart when my wife and I go to the grocery store

Cashier: ...why are you telling me this?

4:51 PM - Oct 7, 2018

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10

Christopher Ashman@CAshmanActor

*Naming my child*

WIFE: What’s the girl version of Matt?

ME:... Mattress?

5:50 PM - Oct 3, 2018

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11

The Dad@thedad

My wife has already mentally eaten half my fries before I’ve even ordered.

1:37 AM - Oct 3, 2018

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12

EricaTriesToTweet@EricaWhoToYou

Marriage:

Because fighting about salad is totally normal.

4:14 PM - Oct 6, 2018

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13

Simon Holland@simoncholland

Let’s get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe.

1:23 PM - Oct 7, 2018

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14

K∀RL∀ IN VT🍁🍃🍂@karlainvt

I wrote a song about my husband it’s called: He Doesn’t Fold the Towels Right.

5:23 PM - Oct 1, 2018

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15

M@thew@TweetPotato314

wife: how about you be the little spoon tonight?

me: we’ve gone over this *points to my crown* i’m a spork

12:57 AM - Oct 12, 2018

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16

Boyd's Backyard™@TheBoydP

Can’t, I’m in big trouble with the wife. I was watching sports on TV and I clapped too aggressively.

6:20 PM - Oct 6, 2018

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17

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Tracie Tom@tracietom

Me watching my husband quietly close the dishwasher after taking just one clean dish out

3:07 AM - Oct 11, 2018

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18

SpacedMom@copymama

[Texting husband]

When will you be home?

[Husband, from Mars]

I’m about 10 minutes away.

2:08 AM - Oct 10, 2018

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19

Mommy Owl@Lhlodder

Please congratulate me. I just finished a conversation I started with my husband 28,000 interruptions ago.

5:27 PM - Oct 5, 2018

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20

erik@ericsshadow

WIFE: you need to stick to your budget

ME: the spatula broke we need a new kitchen

7:52 PM - Oct 10, 2018

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21

🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭@3sunzzz

Back in 1998 my husband brought home unfrosted Pop-Tarts. So yeah, you could say I know a thing or two about forgiveness.

10:51 PM - Sep 12, 2018

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22

Rodney Lacroix@moooooog35

Led Zeppelin: And she's buying a stairway to Heaven...when sh-

My wife: HOLD ON I HAVE A COUPON

2:25 PM - Oct 12, 2018

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23

Jackie Bouvier@jackiembouvier

My husband and I do this adorable married version of spooning where he flops over and his giant ham arm lands on my face with a thud.

11:24 AM - Oct 7, 2018

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24

Steve Olivas@steveolivas

My wife was voted “Least Likely to be Entertained by Steve” in her senior class high school yearbook.

5:15 PM - Sep 30, 2018

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25

Jennifer Lizza@outsmartedmommy

Sometimes marriage is about love & compromise other times it's about letting the garbage get so full & seeing who will cave first.

1:39 PM - Mar 11, 2015


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