Valentine’s Day tweets that will touch your cold, dead heart

Outside of discount candy the next day, is there anything to look forward to about Valentine’s Day when you’re single?

At least there are jokes.

Below, we’ve gathered spot-on tweets from people who know that Feb. 14 is pretty much a worthless day when you’re not in a relationship.

i dont need a valentine i need 8 million dollars and a fast metabolism

— Jamie Macgregor (@m1ndspeak5truth) February 5, 2018

If men wrote candy hearts:

- hey
- what r u up to?
- K
- lol
- *silence*

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 14, 2018

we should cancel Valentine’s Day and have a second thanksgiving

— HP ➵ (@harleyelise_) February 2, 2019

Just now realized that it’s Valentine’s Day... only cuz my grandma texted me and asked if I received her chocolates she sent me. I’m not kidding at all.

— Ethan Dolan (@EthanDolan) February 14, 2018

Here is your annual reminder that if you are single/lonely on Valentine’s Day, you can always celebrate Arizona’s birthday instead! She’ll be 106 and beautiful as ever!!

— Bryce Cluff (@Bryce_Cluff) February 5, 2019

Rude of ikea to shame single people on Valentine’s Day pic.twitter.com/9ffJxZfE1Y

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) February 15, 2018

Friend: what are you doing for VD?

Me: taking antibiotics and drinking cranberry juice

Friend: Valentine's Day...

Me, leaning in: taking antibiotics and drinking cranberry juice

— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) January 29, 2019

“What are you getting for Valentine’s Day?”
Me: ghosted

— sarafcarter (@sarafcarter) January 28, 2019

Valentine’s Day is the Comic Sans of holidays.

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) February 14, 2018

Apple Music is that ex that just realized Valentine’s Day is coming and they’re still alone pic.twitter.com/Uxbxn1BswZ

— lo (@lorannnn_) February 2, 2019

Valentine’s Day
Lentine’s Day
Ntine’s Day
e’s Day
ay
ayy
ayyy i’m still single

— ugh (@gIitering) January 30, 2019

"Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?"
Me: Yes... February 14th

— Zachary (@zacharywhyde) January 28, 2018

Valentine’s Day is coming up so if you have a crush on me it’s your time to come forward.

— ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤnufo (@_nufocity) January 30, 2019

the only valentine’s day content I need pic.twitter.com/pOmsj45Tx5

— Maggy (@maggyvaneijk) February 2, 2019

Can't wait for Valentines Day. I'm gonna run into as many restaurants as I can shouting "Knew I'd find you here! You bastard" then run out.

— 🌈🌈Ruthe Phoenix🌈🌈 (@RuthePhoenix) January 24, 2015