Your closest friends really are more important than money or shoes. You know you can call them up when you've had a bad day and rely on them to be your Sunday brunch dates, exercise buddies to keep you motivated or shopping partners when you need to find that statement outfit. But not all friendships can go the distance. Sometimes, they can hurt your mental health. Sometimes, it is imperative for your wellbeing to let go and move on. The myth of BFF (best friends forever) The ideal of a lifelong friend is pure bliss – a friend will stand by you no matter what and be your shoulder to cry on. With divorce statistics on the rise, friendship has subbed in as the one relationship that will stand the test of time. But just like the perfect marriage, the ideal of “best friends forever” turns out to be a myth, Dr Jan Yager, PhD says. The American sociologist and friendship coach has studied the friendship dynamic for more than two decades and is the author of When Friendship Hurts and Friendshifts. (Friendshifts is a term she coined to show how friendships can shift as people move from one stage in life to another, from childhood to being single, to marriage, having children, retirement or widowhood.) There are many categories of friends along the way: best friends, close friends, work friends, casual friends and ex-friends who may have hurt or betrayed you. The stigma of breaking up Friendships that have conflict or come to an end are topics many people don't like to talk about, according to Dr Yager, but ruminating over bad situations will make things worse, not better. She says toxic friends who put you down, bully you or let you down, put your health in jeopardy. The disappointment and pain of these experiences can plague your emotional wellbeing, so you can’t concentrate at work and/or your immune system takes a nosedive so you’re prone to physical illness. How do you dump a friend? For major rifts, be straightforward and tell the offending friend exactly what hurts you and why you’re putting the friendship on hold. There’s no need to make a scene or write something ugly on the person’s Facebook page – heated retorts won’t make you feel better in the long-term, nor will dropping a best friend with no explanation and giving her the “silent treatment.” Just be direct, Dr Yager advises. Throughout the shifts in our lives, we change and may look for different things in a friend. There may not be a specific reason to drift apart from long-time friends, but they are, for whatever reasons, no longer a good fit for you. Let the friendship gradually fade away, but do it gently. For example, avoid making plans or make them well in advance so there’s lots of time to cancel. Or when she contacts you with an invitation or just to chat, don’t return her phone calls or e-mails immediately; over a period of time, these actions will send a message you no longer want to be friends. Nurturing new friendships is good for you Through numerous interviews and surveys, Dr Yager found that healthy friendships can help your self-esteem, reduce stress, and improve the overall quality of your life. The benefit of getting rid of destructive friendships is you’ll have more time and energy to pursue new ones and you’ll feel better about yourself. That kind of positivity rubs off on people you meet. Stress levels drop and you may live longer In a 2006 University of Chicago study of men and women 50- to 68-years-old, those who scored highest on measures of loneliness also had higher blood pressure, which is a major risk for heart attacks and strokes. Another US study examined 503 women with symptoms of heart disease. The women with few personal contacts were more than twice as likely to die over the next two to four years as women with more social ties. Give your love life a boost Friendships help people develop their interpersonal skills. This means you become better at relationships and more capable of building strong intimate bonds in your love life as well, research suggests. Those feel-good vibes feed into your self-confidence, so you can open yourself up to a deep and meaningful relationship. Make new friends and get happy It isn’t uncommon for adults to feel cut off from meeting new people to make connections. You are no longer a kid or a young adult surrounded by peers in a classroom of potential friends. The solution is to create opportunities to make friends. This takes a little more effort, but can be rewarding. Take a class, join a book club or a sports team, or get involved in a neighborhood group. Invite a coworker or a neighbor out for coffee. Approach people that you’re drawn to at work or at the gym and ask them to join you for lunch. Do double duty by giving back to your community and making new connections by volunteering. Start with a smile and go from there. Positive friendships are essential for your long-term mental and physical health. Make and nurture those positive frienships and let go of the unhealthy friendships that negatively impact your wellbeing. Source: sheknows.com