A few months back, I did a video shoot in New York City with world-renowned biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher on the subject of why guys pull back in relationships.
We talked about why men go in and out of wanting to be in a relationship, whether that’s in the early stages of dating or later on during the infamous male mid-life crisis period.
Talking about why men do this is one thing, but it’s just as important to know what a woman can do to keep a man’s attention if she notices it wandering.
The key here is to recognize his behavior early. Even a few days of him being quiet around you and showing no sex drive could be the tell-tale signs of him getting bored. Talk to him about your concerns and if he says, “I’m fine,” but continues with his stand-offish actions, it’s time to get to work!
And the way you do that is by withdrawing your affection and attention towards him.
When I speak about withdrawing affection and attention, I don’t mean this in a silent treatment, punishment kind of way.
This isn’t about ignoring a man who is otherwise trying to be a true partner and lavish affection on you. This is about remembering that you are your own person with your own life and interests, and then acting that way.
Go on about your life, without pausing to check in on him, waiting for him before making plans, or otherwise actively attempting to pull attention and affection out of him.
Unfortunately, most women do the exact opposite of this.
They get worried and start nagging, which sends him further into his “man cave,” whether real or figurative, in which he grows more resentful of you the more you lean in and try to hold on.
When you give him a sense of separation and time to miss you, even if you live in the same home, he’ll get anxious and start thinking he might lose you.
What you need to do, ladies, is go into what I call “Man Mode.”
This is where you start acting like him. Run, don’t walk, to your outside social life … you know, the one you kept because you never gave up your hobbies and passions.
Now, you’re giving him the space he needs to re-assess his life and his own behaviors.
This should send him running back, when he’s ready, because you just eased his ball-and-chain fears. You made him feel like he was single again, and put the thrill of the hunt — getting you back — back into play.
Is this advice shocking to you?
Try this technique and I promise you that, if he loves you, he will be happy, content with his mini-van, and in your arms again.
And if it doesn’t work because it turns out he does not, in fact, love you, at least you will now know it and be able to move on so you don’t waste endless years with this man.
Either way, it’s a win-win situation.