Overview The creation of Viagra in 1998 changed the nature of intimacy problems in marriage, according to Dr. Gail Saltz, an expert on sexual and relationship issues. Husbands who could not physically achieve intimacy are now able to do so, and wives who were happy enough to go without sex now find themselves faced with a whole new problem: he wants sex while she might not. Statistics Saltz says that about 33 percent of married women have lost interest in sex. Kalman Heller, who has specialized in couples’ therapy, finds that approximately half of all spouses actually go to bed at different times, which can lead to a lack of connectivity and problems in the marriage. Lifestyle Issues Heller blames intimacy problems on the fact that most adults today simply don't have schedules that allow quality time with their partners. They're buried in work, chores and family needs, especially if they have children. He says that when couples routinely put their time together on a back burner, they may eventually find that their marriage has died. Intimacy is not just a physical act, he says, but a matter of conversation and emotional sharing. Physical Causes Saltz warns that a lack of interest in sex and intimacy with your partner that comes on suddenly can have physical causes. Viagra can fix erectile dysfunction, but she says that many men simply have low sex drives even though they may not admit to it. Low testosterone levels can cause this. Women need testosterone to maintain their sex drives too, and levels can wane after menopause. Estrogen replacement therapy can make the problem worse. She also points out that post-menopausal women can suffer from lubrication problems and thinning of the vaginal walls. Sex can become painful when this is the case and results in avoidance. Psychological Causes Children learn to give and accept intimacy by example from their parents, according to the website Socyberty, which offers extensive articles on a variety of social issues. If children grow up in a household where their parents don't share affection, they can later have problems with being emotionally and physically close to their loved ones. Socyberty also points out that once adults reach a certain age, they may very well have a bad or painful relationship somewhere in their past that makes it more difficult for them to trust again. Without trust, intimacy can be difficult. Solutions Problems caused physically can usually be remedied with a visit to your doctor, Saltz says. She recommends honest conversation when the problem has psychological causes. Talk with your mate about the reasons why you don't want to engage in intimacy. He can't help fix the problem if he doesn't know it exists. She also points out that intimacy doesn't always have to include intercourse. You can maintain an emotional connection with your spouse with simple touches. Heller agrees and suggests literally scheduling uninterrupted time together, even if all you do is talk. Your partner will be re-established as your best friend and this can lead to a renewed physical connection. Source: livestrong.com