Humour: The heart of women

Humour: The heart of women
Source: By Mawuli Zogbenu | mzogbenu@ahoo.com | uselesscolumn.wordpress.com [JTM]
Date: 11-05-2018 Time: 10:05:36:am

Tsooo boi! Yei! Haaa! I think I advised you before that if you want to be happy allow your two wives to keep fighting bcos the moment they begin to be on good terms with each other you are finished!

This CEO of a Company that was doing so well until the Accountant and the Internal Auditor started going out for lunch together. She thought that was teamwork; hmmm! Not all teamworks are healthy, sometimes oo! She realized that the Company was doing much better when the two used to disagree with and fight over everything.

Now that they are on good terms…hmmm! Some professionals may ‘look alike’ but they MUST fight for the right things to be done for your business to succeed! Please stop insulting me in your head oo. What did I say that you were looking at my picture up there? If you like send my picture to any jujuman to finish me; haven’t you seen a white man like me before? Hahaaaaaaaa! It’s a rainy Fridayyyyyyyyyy and life is sweet roff!

And the day is going to be climaxed with JOY FM’s CORPORATE JAM tonight and I heard it’s free of ‘chargement’ but the atmosphere would be on fire! Come and see me boogie in my suit holding my laptop! Hahaaaaaaaaa!

Don’t toy with the heart of women o please. I had a little fight with my wife regarding too much amani in my soup and she bore roff! The following day while enjoying my Saturday morning reggae music blurring from my home theatre, I saw her in a moody state. She went to complain to her father that she heard me playing Lucky Dube’s ‘It’s not Ezay’ and she felt this threatened her marriage bcos she didn’t understand why ‘it’ should be easy for me to start with. What actually broke her heart the more was the fact that immediately after that Lucky Dube song, I played Bob Marley’s ‘No Woman No Cry’ which according to her suggested that I could live without her. The truth is that in spite of the ‘misbehavior’ of most of us men, we still want a woman at home. After all, who doesn’t want ‘problems’! Ajeeeeeii! I still wonder how Adam survived on only ‘waakye’ for the rest of his life!

Anyway since these ‘problems’ reared their ugly heads I only play ‘Love Doesn’t ask why’ by Tatta Waley. Why are you saying it is not Tatta who sang this song but Seline Dion? Did I tell you I want to get it correct? Haaaba! Too known boy! I am waiting for her reaction the day she will hear me play Nana Tufuor’s ‘Miyiri Dadeey San b3 wari me’…’ She is likely to assume I have an ex-wife, abi? I don’t blame her. Even the day Adam went out and came home late, Eve quietly used her mobile phone torchlight to check from his ribs whether God has not taken one more rib out to create another woman somewhere for Adam as Eve’s rival. Adam was such an unlucky man; he didn’t have any side eyi! Poor him!

I was only enjoying my reggae o with no such thoughts as she had o but see where it has landed me. Now my father-in-law who is a no nonsense lawyer is after me. Anyway, he is a man too so he understands my problem, I think. I am glad it wasn’t my mum-in-law! Yes, yes, yes, would you believe that when I was much younger, anytime I hear Father-in-law, mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, I thought they were lawyers? Otherwise, what is the meaning of ‘Law’ in in-laws? Leave me alone la ah!

When it was Fathers’ day last year, I never heard or read anything nice about the day. But on Mothers’ Day, the electronic, print and social media were awash with adverts and promos about nice things such as perfumes, chocolate, pizzas and biscuits. On Fathers’ Day however, the story was different. The best promos I saw were either agrrada bitters or ogidigidi bitters. What crime have we committed as men? On Mothers’ Day I requested a song to be played for my wife and the title of the song is “She’s the Queen” by Taurus Riley. On Father’s Day last year, guess the song my wife requested to be played for me on JOY FM – “Odo kakra, sika kakra….Akosombo ey woy3 Chisel’ Me, Chisel? Guess who played the song – my good friend, Lexis Bill! Suro nipa oo, hahaaaa!

I would not have bothered myself talking about it here but for what broke the camel’s back that day. You see, I often get her the best on occasions since prior to the occasions, she would sing and keep reminding me about that day! Last year, I drove all the way from Weija to East Legon to get her Papaz pizza to celebrate her Mothers’ Day with. I thought I had done something aaaah ma until it got to Fathers’ Day. While hoping for a reciprocation of a similar treat, guess what my wife served me with for dinner – kokonte and nsisaawa head! Case close, some women think they are the only people who deserve exotic treatment er? Ao, men! I think we have caused it but it is not fair oo. This Sunday is another Mothers’ Day and I would show her er! Hmmm! She will keep singing the reminders aaaa till she loses her voice to sore throat; I won’t mind her mpo!

As we approach this Sunday with the joy of having Mothers in our lives, let us remember the fact that (God forbid), if any of our parents in old age should die first, let it be our fathers or else our lives are likely to be in jeopardy. You know why? Fathers are more likely to be chasing unnecessary girls and leave your life for you to live if your Mum happens to be the first to go, God forbid. Meanwhile if it is your mother who is still living, you would have the best of attention, care, love and more. That’s the reason fathers get only gifts of aggradda bitters, alontey bitters. What do you think they need it for? Ignore them until it’s fathers’ day and buy them cigarette so they will be the ones to die first from lung cancer! Hahaaaaaaa!

We love you Mothers as we wish you a Happy Mothers’ Day to you all women including our wives and side chics!

 

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