Rami Baitie writes...Curious things

Rami Baitie writes...Curious things
Source: Rami Baitie | blog.ramitalks.com
Date: 06-05-2018 Time: 01:05:25:pm

I've been seeing some very strange things happening around me these days, and I've decided to share them with you. You never know....someone with a weird brain may see a trend....and point out what is happening....before it actually happens....and the world ends.

The other day I saw a policeman tapping on the front passenger window of a car. Nothing strange about that in Accra is there? And when I saw the trade plates on the car it made the whole scene 'normal'. But then I noticed that the policeman was holding a gun in his left hand! Eish! Was I witnessing a robbery?

The window came down, the policeman and the occupant exchanged what seemed to be friendly words (but the policeman had his finger on the trigger), the door opened, the policeman got in with his gun (and his finger on the trigger), and they sedately drove off. I really wonder what that was all about.

The other day I drove by some wayside vendors who dealt in clothes. They were setting up for the day. There was a little boy standing in front of a mannequin, and do you know what he was doing? He was slapping the mannequin! Seriously! Not just once either, but several times! Ei! The mannequin was significantly taller than this boy but he had no problem stretching up and slapping this inanimate being. Was he doing to the mannequin what he would like to do to the adult he obviously worked for? Or what he would like to do to his parents? I must point out that the mannequin was white....make of that what you will.

The other day I was working at my desk and for music I had a window open on my laptop at YouTube. I had put the autoplay on and I started by listening to Spice Diana, my current crush. Now I know these things have some kind of algorithm that is beyond my very limited understanding, and I know they are based on what you've been listening to previously, and the shape of your head, and the colour of your underwear, etc. etc. But I still don't quite understand how I ended up listening to Shakira, and then Michael Jackson! Truly, technology is wonderful. I chose a couple of other Ugandan artistes after Spice Diana, so how...

The other day I noticed a billboard at the Achimota Police Station traffic lights. It was for some academic institution or other. The picture is of a young man in a baseball cap, and a suit and tie. He is holding a screwdriver in his left hand, although we can't see what he is supposed to be screwing (it might have been some kind of mixing console). He has both hands close together and he is looking off into the distance. Would you trust someone with any gadget of yours when he screws while looking off into the distance?? Seriously?? And he doesn't look any cooler for wearing a cap with a suit and tie, so what is the point? And you know what: it's a plaid suit! It doesn't even work in black and white. The whole billboard is so unattractive that you wonder whether it was intentional.

The other day I was in traffic at 37 and I was checking out a rather nice woman walking by on the pavement. She caught me checking her out and I quickly shifted my gaze because I'm shy like that. But she was rather nice, so I slyly (or so I thought) looked at her again. And she caught me again! This time I was blushing as I averted my gaze. But she was really nice, and she was still in sight, so I looked again. Busted three times! What's that?! That never used to be the case! In the past, when you have POP like me, and you are caught looking at a woman, you quickly look elsewhere and pretend the whole thing never happened. But now....the women are obviously looking back! What is a POP holder to do?? Or....wait....did I catch HER checking ME out????

The other day I was chatting on the phone with daughter number one who is about to graduate. She said she was getting ready to attend an end-of-semester brunch for her class which was being hosted by her professor. Towards the end of our chat, she suddenly began to brush her teeth....while continuing to chat with me! Haba! So I got a full-blown sound effect of student teeth being attacked with a worn toothbrush (all students have worn toothbrushes), and mumbling words that sounded like a witches incantation! Eish!

This from the daughter of a man who trains people in soft skills like manners and courtesy! Is this what happens when we send our children away to gain a better education than we had?? It's not cool at all! I suppose I should consider myself lucky that she didn't actually spit out and gargle, etc. etc. I would have been on the next flight to go and drag her back to civilisation!

Speaking of daughters, the other day daughter #2 had to leave our car in traffic to cross the road. She was running late for an event and the traffic was frighteningly heavy, and crossing to the other side and walking the last 100 metres or so was wiser. Do you know I caught a driver checking her out from behind as she crossed in front of his vehicle? It felt weird! Another man (well, a trotro driver anyway), ogling my daughter!? It was like the first time I walked with my son in public and realised that the women casting covert glances in my direction...were looking at him....not me! Hot damn!

The other day Arsenal arrived at Old Trafford for Arsene Wenger's last match at that venue before leaving the club. I was most impressed with a presentation made to Wenger by his old enemy Alex Ferguson. I really couldn't believe my eyes: Wenger standing side by side with Ferguson, smiling and all, receiving a gift, all friendship and light. Even the current manager at Old Trafford reluctantly joined them. You could see he didn't want to, but the way Ferguson called him he couldn't say no. Wonders will never cease. Why do you think I titled this post Curious Things?

The other day I made the mistake of consuming certain food items that made me very gaseous indeed. And then I went out. Fortunately, I was in a very noisy environment....so I released the pent-up gas quite happily as I moved around and then when I sat down. My releases were pleasantly loud but were swallowed by the noise around me, and as you know loud usually equates to non-smelly in these gaseous matters. So I don't think I was busted. Is it good manners to do this in public? After all, better out than in, right? Not to mention the fact that gas can give you the mother of all tummy aches, innit?!

While on this subject, the other day I used a washroom in an office situated on the ground floor of a building. There was a window in this washroom and it was not high up on the wall as is normal in some washrooms. It was at a lower 'normal' level and was placed behind the 'throne' in this washroom. And this window had louvre blades that did not shut completely...

As I sat on the 'throne' I began to feel most uncomfortable because I could hear voices behind the window. And I wondered who could see me, hear me...or smell me. You need to do some things in total privacy you know.

I was forced to spend almost 3 hours waiting at the Accra Mall recently. Do you know I didn't find a single thing worth writing about for this post? What does that say about me? Well, there were lots of pretty young things....but if I write about them....the accusations will flow fast and thick. Oh wait, I did notice a man try to drink water from a bottle that still had its cap on....he did not succeed.

So, curious things...I have no explanation for most of them....all, actually. But then it's not that strange. I also discovered recently that when my wife puts her phone on silent for too long....it starts to choke. Wow, sometimes I wish I was smarter....just so I can see how dumb I am.

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