Doctor’s spiritual liver damaged

Doctor’s spiritual liver damaged
Source: Ghana| Mawuli Zogbenu
Date: 01-02-2019 Time: 03:02:31:pm
Mawuli Zogbenu

Be careful where you pick a lady for “aworrshian’”(sleeping overnight) nowadays o! If you intend doing so, however, first write a letter to the parents of the lady and sign informing them that you are inviting their daughter who is not your wife to spend the night with you in a guest house.

In the letter, state your action plan and the real purpose of your invite and make your own wife be a witness by counter-signing that letter! If you fail to do this, within 6 hours of her disappearance, you could be arrested for kidnapping o, yoo. Those of us who have been ‘importing’ side Chics into guest houses to enjoy must be extra careful nowadays.

The last time I brought a village girl like that to spend the night with, I was lucky she only embarrassed me but didn’t put me into trouble. At dawn she was nowhere to be found in the room and when I looked through the window, there she was, sweeping the whole hotel compound fiaaa…fiaaa…fiaaaa! Ao!

I hope you know that nowadays the commonest suspect anytime one reports an eye problem to the eye specialist is glaucoma! My daughter’s eyes started itching with some discharges similar to apolo two weeks ago.

I called my medical doctor friend, Dr Samuel Amoah for advice. Professional as he has always been, his advice was for me to send her to the nearest hospital for proper diagnosis. Indeed after she had been given some eye drops, it improved for only 3 days and resurfaced.

Quite worried, I called Dr Amoah again and told him I would hate the situation where my daughter may be made to wear spectacles as young as she is even though I myself started wearing glasses only a few years ago though I often see clearer when I take it off – the irony of an Ayigbeman using lens! These my hometown gods always do the opposites of things. They are two – one is called ‘Bright’ and the other is called ‘Wisdom’!

Dr Amoah then referred me to James 1:2 in the Bible in a paraphrase that I should consider myself fortunate if my daughter has to wear glasses at an early age and that it would be a sign of good omen. How? He explained that haven’t I noticed that most children especially girls who wear glasses in their formative years are good in the sciences and eventually become medical doctors?

Somehow, I agreed with him because anytime I go to the hospital to see a doctor and he or she is not wearing glasses, I feel some kan way! A medical doctor without spectacles, is that one too a doctor? Ajeeeei! Dr Sodzi Sodzi Tetteh will finish me today! Hahaaa!

I have been wondering how one can successfully pass the following medical subjects if he or she doesn’t wear glasses early in life.

Just see: hygiene toxicology, nucleosynthesis, otolaryngology, ophthalmic specialty, human anatomy, histology (as for this one even me I can pass because it sounds like History), embryology, pathogenic orgasm, sorry, I mean pathogenic organism, pathophysiology, pathology, forensic medicine, pharmacognosy, neurology, molecular biology, paediatrics, dermatology and venereology! Ebei! Abeg, don’t worry when your child has an eye problem now and has to wear glasses – he or she would become a medical doctor or a scientist, all things being equal!

Indeed when we were in school, girls especially who wore glasses were assumed to be science-bias and were very intelligent but I had one class mate at Anunmle 3 Primary School. Ao! Gladys Kalami? Chai! She wore glasses and looked very serious but academically, puin! I still wonder which hospital prescribed those glasses for her!

I don’t know why but I used to fear girls who were science-bias especially those in the pure and / physical or engineering sciences.

By the way, why are medical doctors also called ‘Physicians’ when they did not specialize in Physics? Don’t think about it; just wear glasses! I vividly recall my first year days at Tek in the 90’s. In the whole of the Physics Department of the University, from first year to fourth year, there were only two ladies.

The whole of the second year class had no lady; it was same for those in the third and final years! Can you imagine a whole class at the university with no lady and the Professors all being male? Even the guys looked like electromagnets, kinetic energy, DeoxyriboNucleic Acid (DNA) molecules, Panspermia, drones, galaxies, and electrolytes!

Women in the sciences are quite common nowadays even those without glasses!   I still remember that lady in my MBA class over a decade ago who could tell a whole Quantitative Professor that the question he had set on the board is wrong all because of her background as a first degree holder in civil engineering. Me? How am I supposed to tell a wrong quantitative question from the right one? I was only looking at them (she and the Professor) like that buuuuuuu without understanding anything!  

Like I always maintain, when the butcher thinks he possesses the same skills set as the wanzam and decides to ‘cut things’ the butcher’s way, it is only a matter of time generations would be cut off!  

Anyway it still amazes me that almost all medical laboratories that one would visit in town nowadays to do malaria tests give NEGATIVE results even though all the symptoms point to malaria. What’s happening? Is malaria no longer in Ghana or the lab equipment and re-agents can no longer recognize the parasites? Ahh! Test after test, yet the results are constantly NEGATIVE.

Nothing annoys me more than the ‘ashorrla’ they do at the lab for these tests. The same way the mosquitoes suck our blood is the same way the lab guys do it. So who is guiltier of malaria offences – the one who sucks with the motive of giving malaria or the one who sucks to see that motive crystalise and gets a negative result?

After checking for malaria which I can prophesy would prove negative, they would now ask you to go and do blood sugar, blood pepper, blood ginger tests and ‘whine whine’ tests! Why?

Please may I suggest to the Ministry of Health to take a closer look at this development of NEGATIVE malaria results! Though medically proven that about 1,500 diseases start with the malaria symptoms, is it not also true that malaria is our ‘preferred sickness’? Many of us go to the hospital having fore-knowledge of the disease. ‘Doc, I am sure I have malaria; just give me coartem and I will be fine’. Me, I do this many times too just to avoid being asked to go to the lab especially if it has to be that test that I dread so much to know my ‘status on wassap’! That test that gives you sleepless nights till you get the final results! Kai! After all, man must die of something!

I hate going to the hospitals bcos of injections that is the reason I abuse some Over The Counter or ‘draw’ store’ medications many of which have side effects which can create serious problems for my liver! Liver problems are damn serious o, people!

It is on record that in the whole Ghana with a population of about 30 million people, there are only two hepatobiliary (i.e. liver) specialists in liver surgery and transplants! If you don’t take care of your liver, whose liver should they transplant to you?

Go ahead and be drinking the akpeteshie ‘by hat’ and unprescribed tramadol! One of such specialists is Dr. Nabil Nuamah of the 37 Military Hospital and the other one is Dr. Asare Ofei of the Korle Bu Teaching Hospital. If these two guys work on your liver and you don’t get healed, then check from your hometown people again or it means you have done the self-medication for far too long! Don’t be careful o, yoo!

When diagnosed, that is when you would realize that every single second of good health is a lot of money! Go on drinking ‘bitters’ without urinating!

Me sef but for the fact that they sacked me from the medical school bcos I didn’t like seeing blood, I would have been a Gynaecologist by now. It’s the only medical specialty that pays you twice your salary…one in cash and the other one, in kind…free show and licence to see and touch with or without spectacles! Greetings o, Dr Kugbey K. Mlimor of Abor Catholic Hospital and Dr. Philip Nyinaku also of 37. As for Dr Nyinaku, he started wearing glasses long before he was even born. Hahahahaha!

Have the best of the weekend now that salaries have been paid after 6 enduring weeks of January had finally come to an end. In case you are unemployed, God will make a way! Even those of us going and coming kraaa, we no dey see top then you, at the end of the month, you are not even expecting anything due to job loss or unemployment. Ao! Hmmm! Much as I empathise with you, I can only wish you well but can’t pray for you.

You have to pray by yourself or else you may be led into moving from one ‘powerful’ pastor to the other ‘supersonic’ prophet and before you know it, you would have more than 20 different bottles of anointing oil in your room all of which can put pressure on your SPIRITUAL LIVER fordoctor to treat! If you don’t know how to pray, just say the LORD’S PRAYER; everything is in it! You would get a job soon through your own prayers in Jesus’ name! Amen!

Now that I am an insurance practitioner, does the wearing of glasses make me a medical doctor? I don’t even know!

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