Kwabena Kwabena, open what?

Kwabena Kwabena, open what?
Source: Mawuli Zogbenu | Mawuli Zogbenu | uselesscolumn.wordpress.com
Date: 14-02-2020 Time: 05:02:20:pm

If you have a daughter or sister who is home tonight looking confused and uneasy, that should tell you she’s dating me or another married man because all the married men and our wives are trooping to the Labadi Beach Hotel leaving our side eyis to ‘struggle’ at home. But I used an antidote. I knew if I should stay out late tonight after work alone, my wife will suspect me so what I intended doing tonight, I did it last Tuesday February 11th just like ‘salary advance’. With that there was no wahala o! I ‘chop’ and wiped my mouth finish! Hahaaaa!

I am glad my wife has agreed to be at the Labadi Beach Hotel tonight to have the ‘Love Experience’ where my school mate with one of the greatest lovi lovi voices would be performing alongside Africa’s Celine Dion, Becca. I just love the disposition of these two. Anywhere George Adu (aka Kwabena Kwabena) performed, I never missed. I am surprised his Gospel track ‘Buie kwan’ (Open Doors for me) has not won him artiste of the year but that’s fine. ‘The cheetah does not need t boast about how fast it could run when others are talking about speed’. Kwabena Kwabena is a cheetah!

Those married men who have non-existent funerals and weddings tomorrow, their wives should accompany them o. Hahaaaaa! They would notice a sudden change of mind that they are not feeling fine and so don’t want to go to the funeral or wedding again. Don’t mind them; they want to go do ‘piece meal’ but not on the 14th because of imminent suspicions that WILL arise. Ao, men! Hmmm!

Talk of Kwabena Kwabena and Becca reminds me of jazz music and the fact that they also have titles. Jazz Don, Bonney James has one nice one titled: ‘Sweet Things’ and I wonder what sweet thing it is. Massa, say what is sweet and stop hiding it under instrumentals you call Jazz! We want to enjoy highlife songs that will make us real and freeze. Anyone who misses out on tonight’s JOY FM’s ‘Love Experience’ on Val’s Day must must must… I don’t even know what to say!

Wait a minute o; what is the fundamental use of padlocks and other forms of locks? Is it not to protect assets, valuables and other things that require tight security? That is the reason I keep wondering why people put padlocks and other hard security locks on their toilet doors o. To protect what? Anyway, I am just wondering. Mr. Paul Ampadu-Yeboah, please don’t be insulting me in your head o, Sir. Hahaaa!

If this is the first time you are reading this ‘Useless Column’, don’t continue reading o because it’s full of abstracts and unnecessary things written in no particular order.

Ehern, just yesterday, I heard this story and wish to share with nobody but this my mouth will not permit me to keep quiet. It was about a certain Yawa. So Yawa discovered that her most pious husband has had an extra marital affair that resulted in a baby. Whaaat! She quickly started the divorce process. Yawa only got to know 8 years after the child was born and at this stage, resemblance be what! The small girl looked exactly like him and there was no need for DNA. Mr Jabo’s wife, Yawa got to know because he confided in a close cousin of his who somehow leaked the filla out and his wife got wind of it at the salon (also known as the ‘Real Parliament’). I don’t know why some people have delight in doing some of these dangerous konkonsa o.

Yawa packed out due to betrayal of trust and the divorce happened o. Amidst begging from her husband, she still went away. She’s had 3 children from this failed marriage and couldn’t contend with the fact that her husband has another child outside the marriage making 4. Her ex husby became depressed and took to drinking and eventually lost his job. Life became basaaa.

Two years later, Yawa got married to another man who was very responsible with very good morals.

The badder news was that she discovered later that her new husband has 3 children already and was permanently married to another woman which he kept away from her. Not just that but because she was carrying with her 3 children from her previous marriage, the new husband at some point started getting angry unnecessarily. I am sure it’s bcos of the sharp appetite of her children; they eat a lot. Small time, she would tell her new husband ‘Honey, corn dough is finished o…’ Hmmm! This is what can be described as running from ebola attack to a corona fire! Nowhere on earth cool o, yoo! Small mistake your husband made and because of your anger, now see your life! Let’s manage it like that o. Abeg, married men, you too you like ‘pouring it inside’ like that too much. Haaaba! Don’t be deceived by some of those ladies who would take Fostinor 2 in your presence after the distin o; it would interest you to know that you might have given her the fostinor 2 yourself to take in your presence but she would quickly swap it with folic acid especially if she thinks you are handsome and tall a child with you would not be a bad idea. Men, we are not smart kraaa. She go born for you o and later tell you the fostinor 2 failed to work. Azaann nkoaaa! Be there and keep ‘pouring’ until the day HIV greets you if you are not lucky enough!  

There is no better marriage anywhere o, those of us who are often deceived by the episodes in Mexican soaps where the wife would remove the shoes from the man’s feet when he returned from work. Not real o. I tried that twice hoping my wife would remove my shoes too; I slept in the shoes like that with my neck tie on till day break! 

As we meet at Labadi tonight, please be careful of what is happening around the world especially as the harmattan has set in the middle of the month and take good care of your health. According to social scientists, you are likely to be experiencing headache, body pains, poor eye sight, difficulty in breathing, quick temperedness, difficulty in sleeping, most of the time in shock when you hear your phone ringing, feeling dizzy as these symptoms characterize middle of the month poverty and not what you think. Poverty is worse than any other sickness. If you have not experienced it before, ‘be fine thank you and you’! Hmmm!

Ehernnn, what is so special about Ada salt that almost every man of God or woman of God you hear on radio prophesying about one thing or the other asks people to go and buy Ada salt and do A,B or C with it? I am just wondering if Ada salt is the Holy Spirit itself or Lot’s wife, maybe the second one. Those of us who want to go on pilgrimage to Israel, I think the Holy spirit is in Ada; let’s waste no money travelling that far. The secret to wonders are here in the Greater Accra Region precisely Ada. Heaven on earth is right here in Accra; if in doubt just pay a visit to Akwa Saffari and you will understand me better! That is where I am going to hide tomorrow with my wife after Kwabena Kwabena’s show tonight!

Very soon, tourists will be visiting Ada just to get Shonghor Salt for miracles. We have the ‘resources here’ o. Can you imagine letting the whole world know that the surest way to miracles in this world is through the use of Ada Salt? Tourism would  boost brutal! I just love Ada and their people k3k3! After all, they are my brothers and Sisters!

Happy Valentine’s Day to us all as we give some breathings spaces on the beds and sofas of guest houses with the ‘wrong ones’ o! One Love….


See you at Labadi Beach Hotel tonight! Tataaaa!