Professor ‘No Problem’, urinate

Professor ‘No Problem’, urinate
Source: Mawuli Zogbenu | Mawuli Zogbenu | uselesscolumn.wordpress.com
Date: 17-01-2020 Time: 05:01:25:pm

‘When it’s time to cry, then your laughter is near’. This was what I heard from a certain preacher called Bishop Lamini or so from SA while preaching on Sunday August 10, 2019 on a local raio station in Accra. God works in very ineterstin ways.

I woke up yesterday only to hear the good news of a heavy ranfall in Australia to quench the bushfires! Around this time? Rains in Australia? God, thank you God!

 So I was on paternity leave this week. My biggest hurdle was how to change baby diapers. Shaizey! You need vim especially if the baby has started eating okro soup and banku with all kinds of meat already! My wife called to tell me to meet her at old barrier and pick her to Kaneshie to shop. I willingly jumped into my car and we drove off. In the middle of the journey, I needed to change my plans. I saw a mami water on the road and offered her lift. She was going to Atico junction. My wife was waiting for me at old barrier. I had to tell her to take the lead bcos police arrested me for over-speeding and so I will delay small. The rest is neither history, mission or vision.

While on paternity leave this week, a friend asked me to escort her to the DVLA office at Weija to renew her licence. I was reluctant to go with her bcos I thought I was going to waste the whole day there, as usual. In about 18 minutes, without any ‘goro’ assistance, she had her licence renewed. Ei DVLA paaa, clap for them er, kpa kpa kpakpakpa kpaaaaa! DVLA, you do all! Keep it up! You guys have advanced paaa o, herh!

One of the most difficult things to do is when travelling on a long journey with my boss and I feel like urinating but cannot tell him or her. In my case, until he requested the driver to stop for him to urinate, I had to suppress mine till I got to the point of my bladder exploding! I think it will even be more serious if your boss is a female. Kai! You know most of the women are able to suppress the urge for the whole day unlike males though I heard it is not good for their health but they have control paa so if you have to wait for her to say ‘driver, stop, I want to urinate, God have mercy on you!

I travelled with my former boss some time back and o my God. I’d drunk three sachets of pure water after a breakfast of one olonka of tea before the trip. Just like a woman in labour, I started having ‘contractions’ to urinate but who am I to tell my boss to stop because I want to urinate? Thankfully, after an additional 18 kilometers into the journey, he requested to urinate. Oosh! The relief! I heaved a sigh of relief bcos it gave me the opportunity to urinate too. Ei this thing koraa confuses me sometimes o; is it: ‘sighed a heave of relief or heaved a sigh of relief’? It still confuses me.

Some 30 kilometers into the journey, I started feeling the urge again. Of course, it was time for the remnants of the tea and pure water to come out. I was dying and compelled to ask my boss in a very diplomatic way so I went like: ‘Sir, don’t you feel like urinating again?’ Trust his response: ‘my friend, if you feel like urinating say it and stop the political beating about the bush’, he said with some serious look. I just prayed he didn’t change his mind. I then confessed I was dying and after ‘clearing myself’ and pleaded in advance that in another 30 kilometers he should allow me to urinate again. If you don’t use your head, your body will suffer! Hmmm!

So when travelling with your boss, two things to be advised on: 1. Don’t drink too much tea and pure water 2. Feel free and ask him or her to urinate even if he or she doesn’t feel like doing so. You hear? Ayoooo!

 The wildest mosquitoes I have ever come across are those around Alogboshie. Ei. They bite with swag! You can virtually count the number of teeth they have. One of the easiest ways of dealing with these mosquitoes is to open all the windows and doors of your room at 6.15pm, allow all the mosquitoes to enter the room, shut all the doors and windows on them and go and sleep outside. Dasorrr! The way you would sleep soundly er, you have no idea. I’ve tried it and it didn’t really work bcos the late comers of the mosquitoes came to meet me outside trying to sleep and ‘greeted me’. It is often better when your house is near a big smelly gutter with bushes and refuse dumps all over the house. It helps prevent malaria. Try it and don’t thank me bcos you may not live to thank me if you consciously allow malaria into your life. I was at the Kaneshie market on Tuesday and so we don’t mind who comes to collect the rubbish? Foodstuff surrounding this rubbish with toxic liquid flowing from it and noodles seller right next to eat and you find people eating there with so much joy. Ei! Ao! Hmmmm!

It is needless to say that getting a job has become very difficult and it’s getting more serious as the population keeps exploding and the older over-aged ones refusing to go on pension. When the NPC talks now, we would be shouting that they should allow us to born more bcos there is unquantifiable feeling in our waists that need to be discharged as babies!

There is this professor who I used to live in the same neighbourhood with. He has a solution to everything. He would never say NO to anyone looking for employment with his ‘connections’. He has worked with the employment ministry before and so very well connected in terms of employment issues. Please I didn’t say labour issues o, bcos that one is often difficult to deal with. It is the only ministry I can guarantee there are no speculations of kickbacks, if so from where? You would only solve labour problems aaaaaa and you can be sure labour issues hardly end. It may end temporarily when this year’s salaries have been adjusted upwardly. No matter how exponentially, next year labour issues would arise and some yaanom would come again la, hmmmm!

Anytime anybody goes to ‘Prof’ for a job, his response was often ‘No problem; just bring your application and attach CV’. Not a single soul ever got a job through ‘Professor No Problem’. He won’t do it la. You know why? I don’t even know. Ha!

Today is January 17 but in actual fact, especially as far as our pockets are concerned, it’s January 3. Next week, January will still be in town. What kind of mind koraa be this? The following week, January will still be there! Let’s endure; it is well!

Have a great weekend and remember: ‘Life is hard but can be harder if you are ‘st*pid’. If in doubt, just buy booze for yourself and people when you receive your January salary when you haven’t finished paying the school fees of your kindergarten children! Don’t think about it; just booze! Hahaaaa!