Mawuli Zogbenu

I am really surprised at some people o; when everybody is thinking about how to get a cure or vaccine for this deadly Covid-19, some people are seriously still having s*x. How? Heartless people! Shame on to us!

It’s a pity some people are still taking this Covid for granted and feel they are doing somebody a favour by wearing the face masks. They no die before er? Hmmm!

I never knew ‘common’ paracetamol can do such magic o. I was recently feeling some way and thought of just getting something from the pharmacy. So I called one of my reliable Medical Doctor friends to recommend the strongest pain killer for me. To my surprise, he rather advised me to get paracetal tablets and if it persists, then I call a helpline. That one made my heart miss a bit for reasons best known to you and I. Ah, para paaa, how? Is it not common to hear people say that ‘Oh when I went to the hospital koraaa, all they gave me was para and Bco!’ Now I understand why! It worked for me within minutes and I was fine and shocked!

Don’t start thinking what you are thinking o, Ablavi Gborgborvon! Now one can’t even fall sick again. A mate passed on recently and when it was put on our school platform, someone asked: ‘what happened to him?’. And the poster responded that he had died in an accident. Oosh! Guess the remarks of yet another one: ‘Oh may his soul rest in peace; this corona thing is causing a lot of havoc o’. The guy has made up his mind la! What is the relationship between an accident and corona? So every death must have been caused by corona virus, abi? Oh d3bida! People go to the hospitals with cold and when the doctor asks them: ‘are you coughing’, they would respond: ‘No’, with a cough! All because of stigmatization phobia o. Hmmmm!  

 Nowadays people really don’t want to give or accept lifts when driving o.  I used to be the ‘Mr Nice Man’ giving anybody especially girls lift ‘by hat’ until the pandemic. Nowadays when driving, even my closest neighbours, I pretend I have not seen them and drive off.

But how long could I! then I devised a strategy such that I could socially distant myself amidst the corona fears of a spread. How for do! So the few I could not avoid, when I offer them lift, I intentionally start coughing and sneezing uncontrollably. At that point, they would just tell me they want to alight because they have left something in the house.

I did this twice and succeeded until last Wednesday when I stopped again for one of them and she also found a very subtle way of rejecting my offer. She claimed she had called for wuber so I should go, thank you. Sadziwa! If you don’t use your head, your body will suffer! Everybody is trying to avoid somebody!

So what would have been the use of the ear lobes if COVID 19 had not happened? I know a guy who was attacked by thieves and his ears were chopped off some 10 years ago. Saul was a nice looking guy until that incident. I am just imagining how he is managing to hang his face masks now. Only God’s forgiveness will help those thieves. God in His own wisdom gave us ear lobes for a purpose; after millions of years of human existence, it is now that COVID has revealed the real purpose of the ear lobes – to hold face masks!

On a recent journey to my hometown, were about 23 passengers on board a bus from the Aflao station in Accra to Alao. Daadia sat next to me. She had travelled all the way to Korle Bu to seek medical care. When we got to 37, she asked me to do her a favour that I should wake her up when we reach Tema round-about as she was feeling drowsy from the medication administered to her at Korle Bu. The understanding to wake her up when we get to the Tema roundabout was clear. Unfortunately for her I also slept off and by the time we realized, we had already reached Ada. She was fast asleep too but when she woke up at Ada_Kasseh junction, she was disappointed in me for not waking her up at the Tema roundabout. I apologized profusely for causing her but offered to give her money to go back to Tema Roundabout; she refused and insisted rather strangely that the driver should send us back, all of us passengers on board to Tema roundabout before she would disembark.

From Ada to Tema roundabout is quite a distance and reversing and coming back was going to delay everybody. We eventually succumbed to her pressures and allowed the driver to make a U-turn. She didn’t even mind anybody when some passengers openly grumbled. Finally we got back to Tema roundabout expecting that she had reached her destination and so should be getting down. She only pulled her hand bag and asked everybody to be patient with her, picked some medicine and swallowed it with pure water and asked the driver to make a U-turn back to Aflao. She explained that when she was leaving the Korle Bu T. Hospital, the doctor asked her to take that particular medicine only when she reaches Tema roundabout! In fact the doctor warned her not to miss the Tema roundabout before taking the medicine. In my own understanding, it was bcos by the time she reaches the Tema roundabout, it would have been one hour p3p33p3. Ao, sukuu? Hmmm!

I know Dr. Asamoa Djan can still go back and reverse that penalty miss against the Uruguay exactly ten years ago. All he needs to tell the referee is that per his calculations, he should have scored that goal for Africa that day. I trust him with his mental toughness. He has a hobby of moving on with life regardless of his setbacks. What can kill many strengthen him; one positive thing to learn from him.  

Abeg, don’t mind those of us who don’t still know whether to hate or love you. The truth is that majority of us love you. They thought they were the only people who suffered for that penalty miss on July 2, 2010. Two months after that penalty miss, I was having sleepless nights and once dreamt about how I could have converted that penalty kick if it were me. I tried to demonstrate it and my foot hit a gas cylinder and got swollen for ten days! They don’t know that it is not that easy! Don’t mind us wai! Hahaaaaaaa! Very soon, you’d be the world’s professor in football taking after Zoom Zoom the boxing Professor of the world.

After all, you are the only African footballer to have scored the highest number of goals, 6 at the World Cup. No be so? Keep on with your mental toughness and score more goals and be dashing people money like you do anytime you have the slightest opportunity! World Cup 2022 is coming o.

Are we going or coming? Or you are waiting for your ‘formfulness’ to still feature? I am asking this bcos the football career is like the food vendor at a construction site; she lasts only as long as the construction project lasts! Do something about it o even though it appears to be a tall order especially in the face of COVID-19.

To be a football doctor and not score at every penalty opportunity will make me sad o, yoo. Or you need ‘body-guys’ to protect your celebrations in case you convert those penalties? See me wai but they should wear face masks before coming o!

Oh your buddy buddy is no more so you have stopped singing? Ei, it’s been almost 6 years since he disappeared at Ada ‘Asutsuare’ o. Hmmm! This weekend please sing wai. No more holiday and it promises to be boring so we need you to sing ‘makpor nornornornorrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Hahaaaaa!

May your soul rest in perfect peace, Sir Jon, one of my favourite political philosophers – ‘Suro Nipa’. It’s so sad and I am sure his best friend in political circles, Mosquito may cry. I had heard the day the ‘late’ lost the election as GS, Mosquito was so sad because ‘who was he going to have an exciting media banter with again?’ That was the day they, perhaps, started the ‘political distancing’ till this final ‘distancing’! RIP, Hon. K.O.A!

Let’s protect ourselves and stay safe as COVID-19 is real! Tataaa!