LET’S be honest — dating in the modern age is nothing short of a minefield.

And the fact that the majority of men don’t know how to text doesn’t make things any easier for women.

According to writer and life coach Jeff Wilser, despite the fact that we are ten years into the Texting Revolution, most guys still haven’t mastered the fine art of text tone.

Stripped of the nuance of eye contact and body language, he says, there’s a blurred line between banter and downright insult.

Wilser — the co-author of the upcoming book It’s Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked — says men don’t do themselves any favors.

Unlike women, blokes don’t use tools such as exclamation marks and emoticons, which can lighten the tone and change a sarcastic text into a playful one.

For his New York Magazine article, Wilser has listed the ten ways men text. None of them, he writes, are ideal.

 

1.     The Tweener

This bloke, says Wilser, is so afraid of sounding abrupt that he overcompensates by throwing in “LOL” and “OMG”. Not cool.

2.     The Passive-Aggressive Texter

Ladies, most of you will be able to relate to this one. Mr Passive Aggressive sends those terse responses that seem to say so much by saying so little. You know the ones: “OK”; “that’s fine”; “if you want”. For the oblivious men who send them to women, Wilser writes, these texts are used as default and are not meant to cause offence. But the recipient can be left feeling cold and thinking: have I done something wrong?

3.     The Cliffhanger

Wilser says he often applies this tactic in order to avoid sounding passive aggressive. Cliffhanger texts such as “sounds good ...” and “hope you have a good night ...” can strike the right tone by sounding friendly. But there’s a downside, he says. The recipient can be left feeling bewildered due to the multiple layers of subtext.

4.     The Gusher

This guy often thinks his life is more interesting than it actually is and will bombard the recipient with mammoth texts that go on forever. The Gusher, writes Wilser, hates talking on the phone and fails to grasp that texts should be used primarily for logistics, banter and flirting.

5.     The Buy-a-Voweller

Time is of the utmost importance to this bloke who texts like we used to in pre-Smartphone era and forces the reader to decipher his shorthand. Sample texts, says Wilser, include “C u l8r”, Ur 2 funny” and “K”.

6.     The Vanisher

For this man, texts are for business — not chitchat. If you’re trying to engage this guy in some conversational back and forth, forget it, says Wilser. We’ve all been there. You text someone a joke or a quirky observation and all you get is ... silence. As a recipient you’re left wondering — is he blowing me off or does he think I’m just not that funny?

7.     The Exclaimer!

This one, says Wilser, sprinkles exclamation marks everywhere in a misguided attempt to sound friendly!

8.     The Shouter

Sample texts: “SEE YOU SOON”; “SOUNDS GREAT”. Enough said.

9.     The Carver

This guy, says Wilser, models his texts after the short stories of American writer Raymond Carver. Sample texts: “Movie. I’ll get tickets. 8pm see you there.”; “I had fun.”; “I liked meeting your parents. good people.”

10. The Sexter.

Sample texts, says Wilster, include “What are you wearing” and “What are you doing right now? (at 2.07am). This guy reveals too much too soon and is borderline creepy. Of course, says Wilser, if the recipient likes the guy, it’s game on. But if you’re lukewarm, the exact same text will be viewed as slightly, well, ew.

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