Think having a healthy relationship is about how you love and show love? You’re half right. A healthy, positive relationship is also about your mind. Specifically, your mindset. Have the wrong one, and it can spell disaster - even doom - for a long term healthy relationship. 

How you think about your relationship, and the attitude with which you approach a relationship can colour your experience of sharing, giving and receiving love. So if you want the best relationship you can possibly have, it's not just about loving fully, but also about how you approach the relationship, in your mind and attitude. Here are the worst relationship mindsets to avoid.

Being competitive in your partnership

An equal, loving relationship is one that is supportive and collaborative, not competitive. Remember, you're on the same team and you each bring different strengths to the union.

Catastrophising everything your partner says

Extreme drama and leaning towards the escalation of issues only makes for a turbulent and difficult relationship that feels more chaotic than calm. Both of you will end up feeling exhausted by the relationship, rather than sustained.

Thinking your partner should just know what you want

Reading too much into what they say, assuming you know that they mean, and not using open communication can only lead to relationship turbulence. Don't be afraid to ask questions or express your feelings. Another version of this non-communication approach is to believe that if you're with the right person you don't have to say your needs, and feelings specifically, because your soulmate should just 'know'. Just remember while your partner may be the love of your life, they're not a mind reader!

Leaning too heavily on “relationship rules”

If you’re always thinking you "should" be doing something then you’re not enjoying the relationship you’re actually in, right now. Stop feeling guilty about what you think you ought to be doing to have the right kind of communication style, or relationship dynamic, and work on emphasising what works, and improving what doesn’t. Don’t try to live by the rules others set – find what works for the two of you.

Thinking the right relationship should be easy

All relationships take some form of work, investment, negotiation, and patience. You are, after all, two individuals merging a life and sharing isn't always simple. 

Overanalysing your partner or the relationship

There’s a difference between wanting to work together on your relationship, or wanting to work on yourself and your own development, and being the "expert" who assumes to know everything that's wrong and how to fix it. You both have an equal voice and being the counsellor in your own relationship diminishes the other person. Be their partner, not their advisor.

Fearing change

Many people regard their relationship as safe harbour. That's an excellent outlook as long as you don't define safe as static. Everything changes, including relationships, especially over time. If you fear your partner's growth, or your own, your relationship won't grow. Be open to change, whether that's moving to a new place, taking risk or trying new things. Your life, including your relationship, should stay stimulating and exciting or it will simply pass you by.

Believing it’s too good and the axe is about to fall

If you constantly think the sky is falling in your relationship (or life!) and that it feels good but can't possibly last, then it likely won't.