Tough love is a parenting style and national movement that is often touted by rehabilitation centers as a solution for children's behavioral issues, especially the troubled teen who is beginning to abuse drugs or alcohol. Tough love is not, however, without its detractors as this style of parenting is not always appropriate to the situation.IdentificationThe principles of tough love focus on managing behavior that parents deem inappropriate. This behavior is the source of some debate as are the principles themselves. In general, self-destructive behavior that harms the child or the family relationship call for using tough love principles. These behaviors include defiance, abuse of illicit substances, lying and criminal conduct. Tough love seeks to end these behaviors by ending any support in the family system that enable the behavior. Tough love also means respecting your child, but being clear that the behavior must end and being consistent about setting the rules for your child.HistoryTough love was started in 1979 by two parents, David and Phyllis York, who were also family therapists. After working through traditional therapies of family counseling, individual counseling, changing school environments and working on training specific to raising self-esteem, they were still unable to control their teenage daughter. When her behavior moved to criminal acts, they required her to meet certain specific rules before allowing her to back into the family home. The concept of tough love was born from their experience of setting strict guidelines and letting the child determine when they would adhere to the rules.SignificanceTough love provides parents with a return to a controlled, disciplined household and family unit. It helps families who are flailing determine what the appropriate behaviors are for their children and returns control of the family to the parents. It clarifies for children what the rules of the house are and what behaviors are unacceptable to the family unit.MisconceptionsHowever, tough love can be construed as cruel. This concept is supported by a 1992 paper published by psychotherapists Martha and William Pieper in "Child Welfare" that suggests that tender, not tough, love is critical to the development of a teen's mental health, especially those teens who are at risk. If the behaviors aren't clearly unacceptable, a parent can create an environment of punishment and rigor without clear reason. A "Washington Post" article published in January 2006 says that many out-of-control teens behave this way due to self-loathing. A critical and inflexible environment with harsh punishments can lead to further downward spiraling of a teen's struggling self image.WarningTough love is a factor in many rehabilitation center programs and a source of comfort to many parents. However, there aren't any studies that prove its efficacy. In fact, the National Institutes of Health have yet to find any tough love program that is more effective than traditional correctional approaches. Many teens, who seem cured, have matured out of the behavior. While tough love may seem the cure, it may in fact be simply a matter of time.