Since last week-end, the Beatles’ evergreen hit record in the 1960s – “Can’t buy me love” - has been on my mind. All the commercials in the media about Valentine’s Day might have been the reason. I have played the song over and over and tried to copy it as my ring tone but of course, technology keeps failing me. Whether it is a parent’s love for his or her children, a child’s love for the parents or the love that siblings share, no amount of money can buy that love. I agree with the words of that Beatles song which goes like this: “Can’t buy me love (2ce) I’ll buy a diamond ring my friend If it makes you feel all right I’ll get you anything my friend If it makes you feel all right Cause I don’t care too much for money For money can’t buy me love I’ll give you all I’ve got to give If you say you love me too I may not have a lot to give But what I’ve got I’ll give to you For I don’t care too much for money For money can’t buy me love” These lyrics did not only bring back cherished old memories of growing up in the 60s. They also reminded me that indeed, during those days of youthful, rebellious and intoxicating freedom, it was the beat that resonated and not the words. Having played it over and over again in the last few days, I am just about beginning to digest the words. They make a lot of meaning to me now. I have tried to juxtapose the words in the song to the act of falling in love today to see how real the thoughts expressed in the song are. Some four decades on since the Beatles released that hit, has anything changed? Can money buy love? Yesterday was another celebration of Valentine’s Day the world over. While many interpretations have been given to the significance of the day, to some of us, Valentine’s Day is symbolic of the real love that people have for those close to them which means that even those who are single can celebrate the day. It could be a celebration of the love that a parent has for his or her children or children for their parents. It could also be the love between bosom friends, siblings, other relatives or love for a husband, wife, or a fiancé. As for the love shared by couples, last week, I took advantage of the Valentine’s Day season and decided to go and find out if money can ever buy that love in these modern times. I visited a few shops in the Accra Mall and one Shell shop where they had displayed some Valentine’s Day gift items for sale. In two separate shops, two young ladies in their late twenties that I spoke to were obviously searching for something for their Valentine. To my specific question as to whether they believe money can buy love, they both felt strongly that money can buy love even though they were not ready to admit that for themselves. To buttress their point, they admitted individually that the dream of most young women is to marry someone who is rich so that “they could take good care of them and their children.” The answers I got from a much older group of people I spoke to was different. Very much aligned with the thoughts of the Beatles, five out of the six men and women I spoke to and who could be in their late forties or fifties were emphatic that money can never coerce them to fall in love and that those relationships that are built on money never last. The sixth person on my “fact finding” list and who looked more in her late 40s said that money could be a deciding factor for most women when it comes to going into a relationship with a man. She was quick however to admit that personally for her, money can never replace genuine love. Come to think of it, some of us parents are putting money first rather than love when our daughters broach the topic of marriage. The tall list of things the man should bring for the traditional marriage itself is in a way putting a price tag on our daughters and inviting the highest bidder to make an offer. It is obvious that money is fast coming into the equation of love and marriage. As to how much solid grounds any marriage of the sort will stand is another topic. Money has become a thorn in the flesh of many marriages today as marriage counsellors do tell us. It is all because the economic pressures are coming from all angles. Families are just about scraping through even with two incomes. Sometimes one wonders how our parents were able to make it with just one income. Our mothers were confined to the house as permanent housewives running bigger families than we are doing today, yet, their marriages survived even with the kind of budget that was available to them then. Such is the financial pressure in marriages that in the Daily Graphic issue of January 9, 2012, the Moderator-elect of the Global Evangelical Church, Reverend Dr. Edem Tetteh is said to have advised Ghanaians, especially Christians, not to allow money to destroy their marriages. In the report which carried the headline, “Don’t allow money to destroy marriages”, the Moderator-elect said most marriages faced separation or imminent divorce because the couples did not understand the place of money in their marriages. The Minister gave the advice at a mass wedding service where 16 couples were joined in holy matrimony. He observed that God’s paramount desire was for couples to remain one and be faithful in their finances. As problematic as finances can be once the marriage gets going, entering into a relationship because the other partner is rich is like starting an argument on a wrong premise. You are definitely bound to miss the point. Some young men, when you talk to them, want to brush aside the topic of marriage because they see it as a money business. The financial obligations emanating from our traditional marriage system today discourages them. The tall demands on the list of items for the engagement ceremony are enough to put them off. Sometimes, I do agree with them. As parents we need to encourage our children to enter into real loving marriage relationships without tying them down to commit financial suicides. I have always had my reservations about parents who are ready to push their daughters into marriage because a rich man in the village or the community has expressed interest. Meanwhile, this rich man already has two or three other wives. We should seek the future interest of our children and rather encourage them to search for and pursue real definitive love that will build them solid marriages and happy family lives. If anyone is in doubt, let me recommend the priceless measurement stick that Paul gave us for love in his letter to the Church at Corinth. Paul enumerated the great characteristics for which we should measure love. According to Paul, love is patient, kind, it neither envy nor boast, it is not proud, not rude, not self seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices in the truth and it never fails. So therefore, no amount of money spent on modern day dowries, and no amount of fanciful lists of demands drawn up to impress, love cannot be bought. It is our duty as parents to encourage our children, especially our daughters, to seek genuine love in a man and not chase after what is in his wallet. As parents, we have been there before and we can serve as the best teachers. Love is priceless and no amount of money can buy it. That is my message for this month of love. REALITY ZONE WITH VICKY WIREKO vickywirekoandoh@yahoo.com Credit: Daily Graphic