Dear Uncle Ebo Whyte, I am a Ghanaian guy schooling in the USA where I’ve been since 2011.

It’s a common knowledge that countless number of Ghanaian men and women both young and old are also either here in the USA or in other countries outside the shores and borders of Ghana for similar or other reasons, all aimed at developing themselves and the fortunes of their families and friends, at least.

This means we are all subjects of the mighty cruel world of a word called ‘distance.’ It is for this reason that I took a particular interest in listening to the program on JOY FM, the radio station on which you’ve touched the hearts of many with your insightful motivational messages and relationship counselling.

The reasons for my interest in this show today aren’t lost on you, I believe. As a young unmarried guy who’s not yet found the rib God created for him here in the States, my net is cast wide in the open waters of my motherland with the hopes of finding me a wonderful Woman from Ghana to settle down with.

In fact, Uncle, without being too reflexive, I’ve chosen to assume that I’m involved in a distant relationship with the woman being in Ghana and I being here  in the US for the mean time.  Do not get me wrong, Unco, I’ve chosen this assumption because while I’m the one writing this piece, there are thousands of young and old people who find themselves involved in such similar distant relationships and any attempt to make this about me and my relationship status would make it come across as a selfish piece of propaganda only aimed at defending myself and showing my biases; which in that case would not merit a second of readers’ time and not a single space on the prestigious Myjoyonline.com. So for now, let’s say I’m one of those involved in this type of relationship.

The time is around 4:15 am thereabouts here and I’ve already struggled with one a cup of coffee, I should have taken hot chocolate by the way. The dial is 99.7 FM and courtesy the tune in app on my phone, I’m thankfully connected and listening in real time to JOY FM morning show.

The host, Kojo has as expected of him and his team delved into several topical issues and keeps reminding us of the segment where he, you (Uncle Ebo Whyte and one Dr Barbara……) would soon discuss the nitty gritty of distance relationship. No sooner had he the host started introducing the topic than his aversion and prejudices regarding distant relationship been conspicuously revealed. In my mind, he’s pardoned because he is not the relationship expert.

This is where I felt you Uncle Ebo could have handled the situation differently and better.

Without being judgmental, and I have no moral obligation in doing so, here are my observations of you which in my view clearly fell short of what you could do.

Throughout the show, there was not a single time you admitted that distant relationship was even worth a try. If I recall correctly and pardon me if I’m wrong, you only attempted at budging when the other panel member, Dr Barbara stood her ground that distant relationships depended on both people and that it could work out when both people gave it their all (paraphrased).

I guess my disappointment was cemented when you stressed on a message by a contributor which had read “distant relationship de33 not not not...” My problem? You are a counsellor and a good one for that matter. One would expect you to appreciate the honest efforts of countless people who are really trying hard in this circumstances and making sure that their relationships worked despite the distance. When you endorse such pessimistic attitude and more dangerously make it public, it fuels the doubts and fears of the faint hearted who otherwise would have enjoyed a great relationship despite the distance because it’s you and we all know how good of a counsellor you’ve been over the years.

That’s not to say you should romanticize the issue but be fair to the principle of Audi alterem paterm (hear the other side). To your credit however, you did mention of a couple who although live in the same house and under the same roof, have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years for obvious reasons. Morale of it? Relationships do not work simply because two people live together.

That said, it was also very interesting when you gave years of not knowing each other as a recipe for disaster in a relationship. Let’s be reminded that divorces don’t happen because the couple did not know each other. We all know of very public separation and divorces involving men and women of high status in Ghana and elsewhere who date each other for years before getting married. The thing is you think you know your partner well enough until s/he pulls off that move or act that tells you knew not a single thing about them.

Meanwhile, in 2010, a friend of mine was the best man at his best friend’s wedding in Accra. Both parties had never set eyes on each other but had each been recommended by friends. The risks were high no doubt but as we speak, they are still together and happily married with 3 kids (and here I’m reminded of the caution you sounded to Kojo of using happily married but will still use it because what we see on the outside is what we know and are permitted to comment on freely without malice).

The thing is Uncle, it’s good to know someone but as you always quote the Bible, may I remind us of how Isaac never knew Rachel before they married? O sorry, that’s in the Bible so may not count. My point is marriage takes two matured people who must admit that no matter the number of years you date, you’ll never know your partner well enough! Again, life is all about risks and anyone who waits for the perfect PhD in knowing his/her partner before marriage deserves commendation.

Uncle, while not making it sound as if all distant relationships work out, it is important also to realize that not all distant relationships are bound to fail and would entreat you to encourage people in such situations after you’ve said a lot about the terrible side as well.

Let’s encourage to at least give it a try, rather than discourage it.

With these said, let me tell you a few words I wanted to tell you at the National Theatre last year when my sweet friend took me to see your live show for the first time: if the Ghanaian media had nine more people of your talent and orientation, our people would have been liberated on so many fronts, at least in the areas of your expertise.

You’ve been an important asset in the lives many Ghanaians through your motivational sessions, relationship counseling and live theatre performances and to this I say Ayekoo.

Best regards,

Your nephew

Kingsley Antwi-Boasiako

Ohio University

Athens Ohio, USA