When a Ghanaian international soccer player decides to come home and play in the local league, then ‘retirement notice’ be that, or I dey lie?

Greetings o, Lagoon City boys and men! I heard another big one is joining a local club soon. Anyway, there is time for everything. Let’s make hay while the sun shines.

My good friend Rafik would rather say it this way: ‘let’s make hay while the ‘shun sines’! hahaaaa! Raf, I greet you oo. Tonight, let’s meet at Ranzie Gardens at Baba Yara junction, Ashalley Botwe for the usual ‘life is short’ enjoyment! We go booze saaaaa because tomorrow, me I don’t have anywhere to go oo.

Please o, where is Vorsa, one of my all-time favourite defenders? But on a more serious note, Jonatham Mensah is a tough guy o. He never ceases to catch the eyes of any Black Stars Coach. For over a decade, Brother man is still in top form and extremely disciplined. One thing I like about him is that he hardly talks unlike me, always talking talking talking. Bro, you dey? I dey greet you gidigidi!

When green plantain ripens, its name changes. I have two male dogs in my house: Shagi and Risky. These dogs were very calm when they were puppies but have become very wild now that they are old. They are able to pave their way through house gate and go out to chase ‘girls’, I mean female dogs. They don’t even use protection o. In fact, I fear they may get HIV soon. They like different different ‘girls’, you get it?

Nowadays their girls come to my house to have fun with them. Strange huh! Instead of my dogs going out to look out for ‘girls’, the ‘girls’ now come to my house to chase my dogs apparently because they are on heat.

Recently I noticed that anytime the owners of these dogs are passing in front of my gate, my dogs would be backing in a very funny tone to scare them off. This keeps happening till last Saturday when a neighbor came to me to complain that she thinks one of my dogs has impregnated her dog.

I’m not surprised but how would I know if it is my dogs that are responsible for such pregnancy, I quizzed. She was like, her female dog always comes to sleep in my compound hence her prime suspect being my dogs. In fact, her problem is that her food is not sufficient to take care of additional dogs.

‘Weytin concern dog with family planning?’, I asked her. She got angry and left. Me too I left while telling her as for my dogs, let your dog born first and when we go for DNA test, then we can establish that indeed my dogs are responsible. Like I have said before, I wonder why you would choose to name your dog ‘Tiger’ if you can actually get the real tiger if that is what you really want.

That is the reason I named my new dogs Shagi and Risky and now see what they are doing to me. So many puppies in my neighbourhood donated free and my dogs are the prime suspects.

It’s sad some irresponsible human beings are like that and borning by heart without taking care of the fruits of their eyi but they have become more careful nowadays. If you are a man, be going round and be borning by heart! Not in today’s GH o, Alla!

As I am typing this, a message just appeared on my phone from Mr Agyemang, my neighbour and it reads: ‘Mr Mawuli, please warn your dogs o, yoo’! The amazing thing about my dogs is that anytime they see me on the phone on the verandah and I am smiling, you would see them also smiling.

Could it be a case that they are learning from their master? Hahaaaiiii! Truth be told, have you ever seen a dog smiling if not a cartoon? Ohhhh d3bida!

‘Krekete soya…krekete soya…my friend little drum…krekete soya’. Ooohhhh those days in Class 5 at Anunmle 3 Primary School. I am not feeling well today oo, and so is my laptop; all I will write will have nothing to do with Christmas. You think every day be Christmas.

It’s another weekend and the good news is that no one has invited me for a funeral or wedding this weekend. I am happy papa. Every weekend, funeral, wedding, why? Ah!

There is always a difference between a small rat and a big mouse! A salvvation army Brigadier-General is certainly different from a Burma Camp one. So those of you lady friends of mine who used to fake orgasm, beware; times have changed. If found out that you were faking it er…hahahahahahaha! The way I am happy most Whatsapp platforms are generally quiet nowadays er…kw33333.

Everyone is afraid. People who used to post and forward anything anyhow without verifying are scared nowadays. They have seen a coconut tree crying, they would forward the video. They have seen a monkey laying eggs, they would forward. They have seen cockroach buying boflot, they would forward. They are seen flying all kinds of factual untruths and get away with it.

How can a motivational speaker say he started his poultry farm with only the feather of a hen and today he is a richman making the young ones feel they are failures and so device all kinds of means to become rich overnight. Even some motivational speakers have gone quiet…saadziwa! If you be man or woman, go ahead again and let’s see. I love the sanity blowing around and it makes me very happy. Ghana sweet roff! If you like, misbehave. Hahahahaa!

Why do some people always want to please society han? I have a friend who was so desperate to get married. Anytime it got close to exchanging the rings, something happened – the woman would either back out or there would be a discovery of an unpleasant magnitude. He once suggested his liking for the wedding ring. He was not bothered about the necessary permissible troubles in this ‘marriage industry’.  

He was compelled to do the unthinkable – to wear the wedding ring like that. After all nobody would know he is not married. What matters is that society would recognize the fact that he is married and that comes with some unnecessary respect. No be so? I still wonder who he is deceiving, perhaps himself.

Another married friend recently told me he was having issues with his wife and when I asked him to give me one person he knows who is ‘genuinely’ happy in his marriage, he said he knows a lot of people are happy for example, me, Mawuli. I laughed saaaaa just to prove to him that his observation is ‘correct’. Hahahahaha. I asked him to come and set his own CCTV in my house; we are all managing o. Nowhere cool. If you leave your partner not as a result of abuses, then you have worried him or her and yourself! No be so? Marriage hard. Our forebears understood the dynamics. Talk to Adam and Eve and see; they would tell you they managed and never separated. The men say the women are the problem; the women say we, the men are the problem. So who is actually the problem? I think men are a real headache o, hahaaa! I am talking about myself. My wife is doing well o. clap for that woman! I give her a lot of problems but she is just managing me like that. How for do!

Have the best of the weekend and remember to pray always even if you are not getting answers; there are some others you did not pray for but you got them. I dey lie? Just trust and obey (my summary of the Holy Bible)!

God bless you for making time to read this abstract that has no meaning to anybody except the writer – me! Hahaaaa!