Breasts: Women have them, men love them — but why do men like boobs so much?

To you cis, heterosexual ladies, they're obviously part of your body, for better or worse. Sometimes you're proud of them, sometimes unhappy and most of you know that you can use them to your advantage when dealing with the men who love them at least a little.

To us heterosexual guys, however, your breasts are the object of something between strong interest and out-and-out obsession depending upon the guy (and the set).

They make us fixate, double-take, and lose our trains of thought. They make our eye contact stray during conversation. They make us sigh involuntarily. They make us gawk.

Why do men like boobs?

The thing is, most women don't realize that our borderline mania isn't very complicated: we simply like boobs — a lot. And we like them in pretty much all shapes and sizes.

Women constantly ask me whether big boobs are better, why fake breasts are appealing to so many men, and what the big deal is as if there's a giant mystery surrounding why men are obsessed with boobs.

I don't think there's much mystery, though, and all these questions are pretty easy to answer.

Men are biologically predisposed to like boobs.

To me, and to probably almost every other hetero man on the planet, breasts (and lips, and legs, and eyes, and hair, and all forms of women's beauty) are simply naturally appealing. We're born to like them. We see them, we appreciate them, they arouse us, and maybe we ogle a little (if we're not well-mannered).

Studies have shown that women's' body shape — including hip-to-waist ratio and breast size — influence desirability. One study found that "Female figures with large breasts and narrow hips were rated as most youthful, attractive, and desirable for casual and long-term romantic relationships," while another concluded that bigger breasts may mean a higher fertility level.

All this to say that somewhere in our genetic makeup, men are biologically driven to look at boobs as a way to determine the fertility of a possible partner.

That said, to most men, there's something even more magical about breasts than our biological imperative to love them.

Breasts are a constant tease.

I once heard a woman say that if you wanted to distract a man, simply don't wear a bra, regardless of whether your boobs are large or small. And it's true!

There's an enormous thrill in spotting the outline of someone's areola or the push against the clothing that reveals a breast's shape. It's partly because in America — and many other places — showing breasts publicly is taboo.

We can see them there beneath your clothes. We don't know exactly what they look like but we can gather enough data to have a pretty good sense of what's there.

All shapes and sizes are attractive.

As for what men prefer in terms of chest size, women need to understand that there's an enormously wide range of breasts that men like.

Whatever you happen to have is probably pretty great to the eyes of most of us. So no, they don't have to be big to be appealing, though a lot of guys feel that the bigger they are, the better — including fake ones.

I personally think size is overrated; I judge breasts not on size but on firmness: the more stuffed, the more I like them, and if they can stay stuffed and be larger, that's just amazing (and rare).

And to be perfectly honest, I'm really confused by the appeal of fake breasts.

I've touched some and they don't feel normal. In fact, they feel pretty much like what they are: often overlarge bags of goo just below the skin.

Ever sleep with a plastic cover over your pillow? Even under the pillowcase, it just doesn't feel right. Same with fake boobs.

And they look odd, too, don't they? They're always too high and too perky, even if they're not of biologically impossible size (though they often are).

So unless you're in real need, I'd advise against fake ones. Especially if you're considering a pair larger than a C-cup or ever want men to look you in the eye again.

You don't need them. There are plenty of guys who will love your itty-bitties, who won't mind if one is bigger than the other (which is pretty normal) and will still find them sexy even after three kids.