Comparison can be healthy. Like the Bible says, there’s nothing new under the sun. However, trouble begins when you unrealistically compare and contrast our relationship to others.

Temptations to do so are so hard to overcome especially now that social media has made it easier for us ‘to be part and parcel’ of other people’s lives. You will often see photos of couples kissing, going on romantic dates and epic trips, and celebrating what appears to be the perfect union.

What you might not know is that most of these posts are fake or maybe, like in most cases here in Kenya, celebrity couples go on fully funded vacations just to promote some certain brands and mind you, they all have to act ‘lovey dovey’ because they are in a business at the end of the day.

Couples may show only a specific side of their life in public—usually, the happy one. So here is how you can stop comparing your relationship to others;

1. Be honest with yourself

Who doesn’t want a romantic getaway with their partner? But can your pockets allow you to comfortably do that? Can your work schedule afford you a few weeks away? Who will take care of your kids/home while you are away? Those are a few questions that you need honest answers before you insist on doing what other couple is doing.

2. Find comfort within

It is absolutely okay and acceptable to just enjoy a simple movie at the comfort of your living room. You don’t have to go all out when it will strain you and probably break your relationship. When you look to outside relationships to define or validate your own, it can be a sign that you’re lacking confidence in your current status.

3. People show their love in different ways

Your BFF's boyfriend may shower her with flowers and gifts, while the last bouquet you received from your man is somewhere deep in a landfill. But before you come to the conclusion that your friend has the better deal, think about how your guy shows his affection. Take time to learn and appreciate his love language. You might be surprised how much your man loves and adores you.

4. Avoid the blame game

When said aloud, feelings of inferiority often sound like “Why aren’t we more like Size 8 and DJ Mo?” or “If I was with someone like him or her, everything would be great!” But these sentiments place blame on your lover without taking any responsibility for yourself, which can chip away at the positives of—and trust in—your bond.

5. Take a break from scrolling

It never that serious. If all else fails, get off social media for a few days...or weeks. The time away will help you realize that striving to be someone else is a frustrating experience. Instead, focus on being the very best version of you and staying grounded in the here and now of your own life.