Jealousy: A Common Issue In Relationships Jealousy is a common topic when people discuss relationships, whether they are friends, family members, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives or lovers. Jealousy is an emotion involving fear, anxiety or apprehension about losing your loved one to someone else, or of being replaced in some way. Since this is a fear-based emotion, it can often bring up other negative emotions like anxiety, worry and anger. These can be counterproductive and damaging for relationships, or for your own physical and mental health. How Jealousy Impacts Relationships Jealousy can often make an individual feel angry, resentful, fearful, anxious or defensive. When someone is jealous in a relationship, he can become reactive, assume the worst, fail to notice how his partner shows him love and appreciation, and instead pay attention primarily to things that confirm his negative assumptions. John Gottman, a leading couples researcher and therapist in the United States, has studied thousands of couples and has been able to predict which ones would stay together after watching them interact for just five minutes. Couples that expressed more negative emotions with one another, and who spent more time engaging in negative behaviors (like criticizing, getting defensive, verbally attacking, calling names) than positive behaviors (like praising, listening, showing affection, telling their partner why they appreciate them) usually did not have a happy ending. Recognizing Jealousy Romantic jealousy tends to be due to one (or both) partners' insecurities about themselves, often developed over time after past experiences of rejection or disappointment in relationships. Jealousy frequently leads to verbal confrontations, poor communication, misunderstanding, feeling mistrusted, and eventually, many couples break up because of it. The key is recognizing when your past is impacting the present. Feelings of jealousy are natural, and they come up quite often in all types of meaningful relationships. Use moments of jealousy as an opportunity to learn why they are happening and also to to help stabilize your relationship.