Dear Serwaa,

You recently asked how I feel when people get into trouble as a result of the work I do. My answer was simple: I feel happy when wrongdoers get into trouble. I can’t stand corrupt and dishonest people so when they are in trouble, I am happy because society gets better.

Apart from the high profile persons being prosecuted for their roles in the GYEEDA Scandal, my sources at the now Youth Employment Agency say about 70 officials of the agency have been fired because it was discovered that they used fraudulent documents to gain employment, of course, with the help of politicians. Some businesses and individuals have been severely bruised and continue to suffer because of my work and I don’t feel remorseful when the bad people I expose get into trouble.

But that was not the case with Dr. Sulley Ali-Gabass. Journalists, like judges, have emotions. We are often asked to detach our emotions from the work we do. But sometimes it is almost impossible to do so. When I came out of his office that Friday afternoon, the first thing I told a colleague journalist who went with me to the area was that if there was ever an instance I considered dropping a story out of sympathy, then it was after my encounter with Dr. Sulley Ali-Gabass, the Senior Medical Officer who is standing trial for allegedly sodomising /defiling a senior high school boy.

I remember my news editor once asked whether I was sad the story was being done. We had discussed a follow-up story on what has become known in the media as the “Gay Doctor” story and from the look on my face, my news editor realized I was not enthused about doing a follow-up story. 

The heart of an investigative journalist is not made of stone. Neither is it made with iron. So after spending more than an hour with the hardworking doctor and listening to him pour out his heart to me, I felt sorry for him and had a whole new perspective about how to deal with homosexuality: we should not legalise the act but we should show them love and help them out of the shameful situation. But what has really touched me and for which reason I am writing this letter is not about Dr. Sulley Ali-Gabass. It is about his wife. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was summoned to court to testify for the state in the ongoing trial of the doctor. Unlike Betty Mould Iddrisu, who we are told refused to testify for the state and was not compelled, I had no option but to attend. The writ of summons said: “YOU ARE HEREBY COMMANDED in the name of the Republic to attend in person before this court…”

Serwaa, it is when you go to court that you realize that the law is really supreme. Yes, it is.

On one of the days I appeared before the court as prosecution witness, there was a fifteen-minute break so that the judge could rule on an objection raised by the lawyer of the accused. During that break, I was standing with my lawyer and host of Joy FM and MultiTV’s current affairs programme, Newsfile, Samson Lardy Anyenini and two other journalists who were sniffing around for information because the hearing was being held in camera. Like many TV personalities whose viewers spot them at public places, Samson was spotted.

A beautiful young woman walked up to him and congratulated him on his show. She said she was a regular viewer of Newsfile and seeing the host in person, she came to congratulate and encourage him. But before she left us, she introduced herself to us: “ I am the wife of Dr. Sulley Ali-Gabass.”

Serwaa, I was touched not only by the boldness of the woman whose husband was being labeled as a “gay doctor” but also by the pride with which she introduced herself. I was moved and so were those there.

On that Friday afternoon when I met Dr. Sulley Ali-Gabass in his office in Takoradi, one of the reasons he pleaded with me not to break the story was about this woman.

“See, that is my beautiful wife,” he said, pointing to a picture of the woman which hung in his office. “If this story breaks, she will pack and leave.”

Serwaa, I know at this point you will be asking what this has got to do with our relationship. As usual, I am not telling an irrelevant tale of a traumatised couple. When I asked you to tell me what you pictured about the future of our relationship and marriage and how we are to deal with it, you painted an ideal picture. But that is not always the case.

Our elders say a drum may sound differently from what its maker intended. So it is with marriage. It is good to think of the ideal situation and the joy and the children and a happy home. But our marriage is not going to be all laughter and sunshine. For this reason, it is better to prepare your mind for the worst as we hope for the best.

Not long ago, I heard a story of a young man who wanted to marry a woman from my church, the Presbyterian Church of Ghana. Usually, the wedding ceremonies are held in the bride’s church. The groom had no problem with that. But his only problem was about the wedding vows. For his church, I was told, they do not say for “for better or for worse.” They say “for better or for best.”

I know many churches wield the Bible but the doctrines and teachings by their founders are weird. On the judgment day, I believe we would have more Christians who would go to hell because of misleading teachings and doctrines than those whose personal sins took them there. How can you enter into marriage and your vows are that you will commit to your wife or husband when situations get better or best? Does it make sense? What if situations get worse? Would one couple be wrong to say “I never vowed to stay when the situation gets worse?”

I know we can spend the whole day arguing about doctrines and their appeal to common sense and biblical teachings, but that is not my reason for writing to you today. All that I want to tell you is that marriage comes not only with preparing materially but psychologically as well. The best thing that can ever happen to any man or woman is when your spouse stands by you in trying moments. There will be good times in our marriage. And there will certainly be bad times. We pray for eternal joy, but we can’t wish away the bad times, which punctuate life.

In a relationship, one must test this from time to time. What will be the reaction of your boyfriend if you told him you have missed your period for one week? How would your girlfriend react when you tell her you won’t be able to provide them with what you have been providing because your finances are in the red?

But don’t get me wrong, Serwaa. I am not in anyway encouraging intentional wayward behavior which subjects the other party in a relationship to disgrace. This is not what I mean. In fact, one should get more responsible, more law-abiding and behave more decently when you are married. Our elders say when the frog eats pepper, the lizard does not suffer from chest pain, but that is not always true. There are times that what we do affects others more than us. Whatever you do affects your spouse or children so one must always endeavour to discard any such behaviours.

If you are in a relationship with a thief, drug addict or someone with a behavior that is likely to bring shame and disgrace upon you, it is your duty to help them fight such behaviours. If you try and realize that they are not making any effort, marrying them will be like marrying a cluster bomb that is waiting to explode.

I will not do anything that will bring you shame and suffering. With the help of God, I will act responsibly and bring you joy so that you will always be proud to associate with me. I also pledge to stand by you in good times and in bad times.

Serwaa, if I cannot endure your worst, then I don’t deserve to enjoy your best. I love you and I have psyched myself up for the best and the for worst. And all I am asking is that you reorient your thinking about life in marriage. It is not possible to have uninterrupted laughter. There will be times of tears. There will be times of abundance. And there will be times of want. The test of true love and commitment is not when everything is going on smoothly.

Let us work, pray and hope for the ideal. But let us also prepare for the reality in marriage. On this reality shall we build our marriage, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

I am your true love,

Manasseh.

The writer, Manasseh Azure Awuni, is a Senior Broadcast Journalist with Joy 99.7FM. His email address is azureachebe2@yahoo.com