In what many are calling a ground-breaking leap backward in the evolution of national common sense, the Government of Ghana—led by a mysterious entity simply referred to as “Government” (not to be confused with logic, reason, or responsibility)—has made a startling policy decision: *Foreigners caught mining illegally in Ghana (Galamsey) will no longer be prosecuted. They will simply be deported. Preferably with a gift basket and a “thank you for destroying our rivers” card.

*Yes, you read that right. “Government” has officially turned Ghana into the Disneyland of Illegal Mining—free entry, no prosecution, and all the polluted water you can bathe in.

Interior Minister, Hon. Muntaka Mohammed-Mubarak, confirmed the groundbreaking announcement while sipping what we assume must be a very strong herbal tea laced with amnesia. “Any foreigner who finds himself in our forests doing galamsey or cutting down trees unlawfully... we’re not interested in prosecuting you. Our first option is to take you back to your country.”

Awww. Isn’t that adorable? Ghana now has a “Catch and Fly” policy. Commit a crime, catch a flight. It’s like Airbnb for environmental criminals.

Meanwhile, if you’re a Ghanaian caught doing the same thing, pack a toothbrush and get comfortable—because prison is waiting.

So what has Gold done to us as a people? It seems we’ve traded our common sense for gold dust. Even our ancestors are reportedly face-palming in their graves.

Let’s rewind. When Osafo-Maafo, a senior minister in the immediate past government, previously suggested that a Chinese national (Aisha Huang, a.k.a. the Galamsey Queen, a.k.a. The One Who Returned Like A Marvel Villain) should be released without trial, the entire nation—especially the NDC—howled in righteous rage.

Fast forward to 2025, and suddenly the same idea has been marinated, seasoned with bureaucracy, and served cold as official government policy. No one even added a side dish of shame.

Samuel Okudzeto Ablakwa, the Foreign Affairs Minister, confidently announced: “Any foreigners caught engaging in illegal mining will face immediate deportation.” Oh, how magnanimous! Perhaps we’ll even upgrade them to Business Class if they manage to destroy two rivers instead of one.

Dear Government, this isn’t a kindergarten where misbehaving children are sent home to their mothers. This is a sovereign nation whose environment is being torn apart like meat in a lion’s den.

Deportation isn’t punishment—it’s a courtesy! It’s like catching a thief in your house and calling him an Uber.

Worse yet, this unequal application of the law makes Ghanaians look like glorified gatekeepers of national destruction. If Atia from Bawku tries galamsey, he gets a prison sentence. If Wei from Wuhan does it, he gets a warm towel and a farewell party.

And let’s not forget Aisha Huang—the recurring villain in this blockbuster sequel no one asked for. She was deported and somehow found her way back like a stubborn mosquito in a locked room. If deportation was a real deterrent, Aisha would be in Beijing making TikToks, not digging trenches in Tarkwa.

To the Honourable Ministers, the President, and the ghostly Cabinet behind this genius policy: Have you tried sniffing Ghana’s polluted rivers lately? That’s the aroma of selective justice and roasted hypocrisy.

Ghanaians are not laughing. Okay fine—maybe we’re laughing so we don’t cry. Because if this is governance, then I’m the next astronaut to Mars.

The Republic weeps, the forest screams, and “Government” smiles from behind a golden curtain.

Jimmy Aglah | Satirical Chronicles of the Republic of Absurdistan