Overview A divorce or separation can be a painful and stressful time for the children involved, especially if a parent is absent. Although you are likely hurting as well, help your children cope with the difficult transition. Even if you are unsure of what to say or do to help your children cope with an absent father, keeping their routine and modeling calmness can help them feel more secure. The exact coping mechanism for your children depends on their ages and personalities. Speak to a counselor or psychologist for guidance. 1. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings. Some children may readily open up, cry and yell about the absent father. Other children may be more reserved. Make yourself available if they need to talk. 2. Allow your children to be honest when speaking with you. Your children might have some anger and blame toward you as well. For instance, they might believe you made their father leave. According to Helpguide.org, if they are unable to share their feelings, they may have a more difficult time working through it. 3. Resist trying to fix things and acknowledge your children’s feelings. You won’t like to see your children’s sadness but it is more important that you listen to them and understand their feelings. 4. Avoid blaming their father. This may be difficult to do if he is not around, but try to explain that their dad can’t be a part of their life without assigning blame or judgment. 5. Be honest with your children. All of the changes of divorce and separation can be scary. Being upfront with your children on what to expect can help restore confidence. 6. Reassure your children. They may fear that you will leave as well. Remind your children that you won’t leave them and that you love them. 7. Seek help when necessary. Some children may need counseling to help them cope with the changes. Mental health centers, community centers and churches offer groups for children of divorce. It may help your children to connect with others that are going through the same situation.