Being in a relationship offers more than just romance or someone to spend time with. In fact, it can provide a sense of fulfillment and nourish the other aspects of your life as well.

But love isn't enough to keep a couple together, because there are bound to be conflicts, ups and downs, and life-changing events, all of which can test a relationship.

Whether they've been together for a few months, a few years, or a few decades most couples learn these hard lessons way too late.

that doesn't mean all hope is lost, as there are still opportunities for personal growth and change, both as individuals and as partners. It serves as a reminder that couples should never stop learning from one another and the world around them.

1. It's okay to spend time apart

It's common for people to think that once they enter a relationship, they have to spend all their energy and focus on their partner in order for their love to flourish. In reality, the opposite is true. 

Spending time together can help strengthen your connection, but so can spending time apart. It might sound counterintuitive, but separating from one other can keep the spark in your relationship lit.

According to relationship expert and dating coach Anna Karimo, alone time helps couples stay together in the long run. Being apart makes you grateful for your time together. It allows you to cultivate your own passions and maintain your sense of independence, which is essential for maintaining a solid connection.

Too much time together can create a relationship based on codependence, which, in the end, isn't a strong relationship at all. There's truth to the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." To make sure that your relationship will last, spend some quality time with yourself on a regular basis. Your partner will be there when you're done.

2. Saying what you need doesn't make you needy

It's common for people to worry that expressing their needs will push their partner away. The fear of being seen as too needy can be pervasive, yet not saying what you need creates unwarranted tension within a partnership. Unfortunately, most couples learn these hard lessons way too late.

According to a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, relationship quality is enhanced by positive communication but is eroded when there's a build-up of negative communication. So, letting your partner know what you need keeps the two of you connected. 

A person can only meet their partner's needs when those needs are overtly expressed. Telling your partner how they can support you creates a sense of emotional validation and mutual understanding, and none of that actually makes you "needy," it makes you feel heard.

3. Perfection is a myth

When couples scroll through social media, poring over strangers' posts and comparing their life to others, it can be damaging. But it's important to remember that social media captures only a brief moment, and doesn't tell the story behind the photo.

That couple you see holding hands in a pumpkin patch as the season changes from summer to fall isn't perfect, even if they seem like they are. No individual person is perfect and no couple is perfect, either.

Every couple has their ups and downs. But the less you aim for perfection, the happier you'll be as a couple. Focusing on being your most authentic selves brings you closer together than pretending to be perfect.

4. Fighting isn't always a bad sign

It's true that conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. As professor and health expert Bruce Y. Lee explained, "When done constructively, arguing can help you better understand each other and any issues that may be coming between you. It can provide a release valve for pent-up frustrations. It can help reveal problems to which you can design and implement solutions. As a result, it can actually help both parties grow and even greatly strengthen the relationship."

Unfortunately, some couples learn way too late that fighting can be a good thing. A lot of couples operate from a place of conflict avoidance, which means they push down their negative feelings in an attempt to gloss over hard times.

As a study published in Electronic Physician established, conflicts can be "necessary and valuable" for the growth of a marriage. As long as conflicts are "properly managed," couples can "learn from each other and improve their relationships." When couples learn how to fight in a healthy way, it can bring them closer together.

5. Being wrong can be a good thing

Making mistakes is an inevitable part of life. People in a relationship can expect to hurt each other and be hurt by each other, usually not on purpose. But it's what happens afterwards that's so important and defines a relationship. Because the more likely someone is to admit they were wrong and accept the consequences, the better off their relationship will be.

A study from Michigan State University found that people who believe they can learn from their mistakes have a different brain reaction to messing up than people who don't think they learn from things they've done wrong. Lead researcher Jason Moser shared, "This finding... suggests people who think they can learn from mistakes have brains that are more tuned to pick up on mistakes very quickly."

When a person is open-minded about being wrong and practices self-compassion, they're more likely to focus on repairing their relationships than saying, "I told you so." 

6. Accepting your flaws makes your bond stronger

We might think that the messier parts of our personality make us less attractive, but the opposite is true. A ground-breaking study published in Psychonomic Science posited that people are seen as being more attractive when they make small mistakes. Committing what the researchers called "a clumsy blunder" humanizes people and makes them seem more attractive.

Unfortunately, most couples learn these hard lessons way too late, focusing on how their flaws actively sabotage their relationships instead of embracing them as part of who they are. But the little things we don't like about ourselves can be interpreted as positive traits by other people, so when we accept our own flaws, we learn to love ourselves more fully, which makes the bonds between partners even stronger. 

7. Having friends is essential to staying together

Balance is a crucial aspect of keeping any relationship alive, which is why it's important to focus on the other relationships you have, outside of your romantic partnerships. Sometimes, people lose themselves in their relationships, spending all their time with their partner, rather than nurturing the close bonds they have with friends and family.

In fact, according to a study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, women who quickly increase the time they spend with a partner tend to quickly decrease the time they spend with their best friend. And that's no way to keep a bond strong. 

While it's normal for a new relationship to take up our time, energy, and focus, it can be damaging to the relationship in the long run. Even in a good relationship, it's not healthy to expect a partner to be everything. After all, they're just one person, and we need more than one person to cultivate a nourished lifestyle. 

8. Going to therapy doesn't mean you're failing

Going to therapy as a couple is often framed as a last-resort effort to save a dying relationship. But getting professional counseling, even when nothing is wrong, can strengthen your relationship, which is a hard lesson most couples learn way too late.

According to a poll conducted by Verywell Mind, 99% of people in couples therapy said it has "a positive impact on their relationship," and 76% reported the practice as having a high or very high impact. A couple's therapist can act as a guide to helping people figure out how to talk about their feelings. 

Being in therapy together creates a safe space for couples to work out their issues as a team. While it might not be easy to take that first step and get into therapy, couples and individuals can learn more about themselves and each other through the process. Because, in the end, therapy is meant to bring people closer together, not tear them apart.

9. You don't have to like every part of your partner

Nobody likes every single thing about their partner. Perhaps they load the dishwasher incorrectly or never put away their clean clothes. But it's these qualities that make a romantic partner stand out, because neither are perfect, but they still somehow come together well.

Accepting our flaws teaches us how to love ourselves more fully, yet we don't actually have to love every part of ourselves or our partner. It's totally okay not to like certain small habits or facets of your partner's personality. As long as you love them more than the combination of little things that annoy you, there's nothing wrong with having some pet peeves.

10. Sharing secrets brings you closer

We often worry that letting people see the darker sides of ourselves will make them run away. Yet, according to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, couples become closer when they accept their partner's expressions of vulnerability. Researchers stated that "intimacy increases when individuals' vulnerable disclosures are met with partners' supportive responses."

Allowing your partner to know the messier parts of you can make your relationship even stronger than it was before. It shows that you're comfortable being vulnerable with one another, and that you can always confide in each other. 

11. Not every conflict has to be resolved

Research from the Gottman Institute established that 69% of relationship problems don't get resolved; rather, they're "perpetual problems" derived from personality differences between people in a relationship. However, not all conflicts pave a path toward divorce. Staying together often comes down to the adage of "picking your battles."

If your overall interactions are positive and nourishing, it's okay to let some things slide, even when they bother you. No relationship is perfect, just as no person is perfect, and learning when to overlook certain things can benefit your relationship over time. After all, you wouldn't want your partner holding things against you, so why do the same to them?

12. It’s normal to feel lonely sometimes

It's normal to have the expectation that once we find our person, we'll never feel lonely again. We have a lifetime companion, so we'll never find ourselves feeling isolated or forlorn. Unfortunately, that's not the reality, because loneliness is often an existential state of mind that has little to do with the people we hold close.

We can't expect our partner to solve all our problems or make us sublimely happy all the time. Feeling lonely is okay, as long as it's not the primary feeling you have with your partner. Everyone needs some alone time every now and then, after all.