Ms Harris made history as the first female, first black and first Asian-American US vice-president

White Man? 

Ghanaians kraaaa, why? Do you know that we still have a colonial mentality? I attended a formal function late last year. As I approached the entrance a lovely lady came up to greet me.

Why did she assume that I was from a foreign organisation just by looking at my colour?? At least ask me. She seemed almost slightly disappointed when I mentioned the very Ghanaian Institute I was representing.

Speaking of events, have you realised how difficult it has become to tell if an event is well-patronised or not? Thanks to the current pandemic when a venue seems half-empty you can always blame social distancing. After all, if it wasn’t for the enforced spacing of seats the place would be packed, innit?!

USA

Speaking of white men, I’m not an American. But, in fact, seeing Kamala Harris being sworn in on Inauguration Day did something to my insides….and it was very pleasurable indeed. Eight years of Obama, and then four years of some orange creature. It felt good to see a non-white WOMAN become the Vice President. God is good, ampa.

The Voting

Do you know that the indelible ink my little finger was doused in when I voted at the last election came off rather easily? I thought the whole point of that ink was that it would stay on my finger for awhile so I couldn’t vote again illegally. Well, I could have voted again….after about one week. Still…. And those of you who were actually bragging about not voting, shame on you. If I ever hear you talking about politics in Ghana….

Covid-19

Do you know that I have taken so much vitamin C and Zinc over the last few months, because of Covid-19, that when I pee it smells like….?! It’s true! By the by, is it possible to fall in love during a virus? Exactly how do you express your love physically….without being completely foolish?? 

Masks Again
Speaking of viruses, did you know that if someone is inherently grouchy you can still see that they are grouchy even if they are wearing a mask? It’s true! I guess the grouchiness just spills over the sides of the mask and shows who you really are. And what’s this I’m hearing about some people with noses so big that they can’t get a mask to fit! Is it true??

But it’s not only masks oh….has anyone else had issues with water splashing on their footwear as they wash their hands at a Veronica bucket? A very wet and annoying problem….or is it just my inner child splashing around? And as for that contraption at Stanchart Liberia Road….let me keep quiet before it douses me again in soap and water.

Murder….Where?

If ever I am a victim in a murder (and I pray that it never happens), I have this sneaky feeling that I shall be a controversial victim. And the murderer? I suspect we might have a Murder On The Orient Express situation. The only mystery would be finding out who plunged the knife in first. Of course in my case it might be a spoon.

A Vendor & A Gutter

The other day I stopped at a mobile money vendor to place some money in my mobile wallet. The vendor said she could handle the transaction, and then, after a phone call, declared that she couldn’t after all. Hardly a crime, is it? But this vendor was located right next to a noxious body of water that was masquerading as a gutter.

The smell that assailed me through my nostrils! Ewurade Jesu! And I was standing there for all of two minutes, maximum. Eish! It was only as I drove off that I realised that this vendor’s sense of smell must be dead!

How do you work a full day inhaling this toxic replication of a cesspool?! It’s not nasally possible, I swear! Wouldn’t the vendor mix up the telcos she was using at any one time? I could smell the sulfurous nastiness in my car for an hour afterwards!!

Marriage & Stool

The other day, while lying in bed, I was forced to listen to the wife describing to someone on the phone how to take a stool sample….in graphic detail. Disgusting, simply disgusting! The fact that it was a relative seemed to make it worse.

Is this what they meant by ‘in sickness and in health’ when I was being forced through those vows? I thought there was something somewhere about the sanctity of the marital bed?!

Stool sample indeed! I suppose it could have been worse; imagine if the person in question had constipation! I mean, I know it’s my wife’s job (she’s a professional blood sucker), but still….this is not what I signed up for!

The Wife

Speaking of the wife, one of her less edifying habits is taking food from my plate, especially if we happen to be eating out. It doesn’t matter what she orders for herself, and how much she wants it, when the food arrives she wants mine. It has taken me years to figure out why she does this.

You know my wife is significantly slimmer than me, right? And she likes her figure paaaa, right? Well, did you know that when you take food from another person’s plate, your body will not absorb the fat and cholesterol? It’s true! So the food she takes from my plate, whatever food it is, is enjoyed by her….but I get to keep the fat and cholesterol!!!!

Rooster!

I saw a most unedifying sight the other day. A rooster was in full-speed pursuit of a crow. The rooster had it’s wings spread in that hostile manner which only roosters seem able to adopt.

Eish! And yet it was in pursuit of a crow! The bird seemed quite scared….but it was in aerial motion while this idiot rooster was earth-bound. Males will go to any length in the pursuit of a female. Wait….how did the rooster know that the crow was female?? You see men!

Lot’s Wife

Would it be unreasonable to declare Lot’s wife the most seasoned woman in the Bible? See how bored I am….But speaking of a wife, mine managed to wash her earphones in a washing machine. It’s true! And before you ask, yes, the sound was cleaner afterwards.

Blog Genre?

Somebody asked me the other day what genre my blog falls under. Really? Blogs have different genre? I don’t know, so I said, ‘Fiction….confused fiction.’ Sounds about right, innit?! Or….?

New Radio

Hey, guess what: I’ve began using a new radio! So what, I hear you say? Well, it’s an old-fashioned analog radio. You know, a non-digital radio, the kind you turn a dial to be able to tune? Yes! I’m not going to tell you where I’ve placed it, but it’s displaying all the static and noise of radios of yore, and I’m digging it! But I wish it wouldn’t change station by itself quite so often….