I have not made any resolutions for 2020 because out of all those I made for 2019, I failed to meet any. The decision not to do another one is a personal one. To start with I said I wasn’t going to wear the same boxer shorts for more than 5 days before washing it; I failed. I told myself I would use singlets only once in a day; I failed and even extended it to 3 days. As for a pair of socks and how long I should wear them before washing it, I am still laughing ooo.3 months is even too small. After all, who is going to inspect! Hahaaaaa

Lest I forget, what is the relationship between pregnancy and a swollen nose? Just a question o and please stop insulting me in your heads if you know the answer and think I should also know it. The fact is I don’t know. What I don’t understand is that a pregnant belly is having fun at its somewhere and nose has taken it as the World Cup and growing fat too. What business has nose got to do with stomach? Awwww God is just amazing. In some pregnant women, even their feet get swollen? How? Why? That is the reason anytime I have constipation, I don’t understand why tears also flow down my eyes when I am behind closed doors praying for God’s intervention for a smooth ‘delivery’!

The things I say will do, I fail to do so why waste my time on useless resolutions again! It’s only monetary savings I didn’t factor into my 2019 resolutions and paradoxically, that was what I was able to do quite effectively in 2019. I cut out some of ‘those ones’ whose hostel rent I used to pay and those who go like: ‘I am broke o…my momo number is xxxx’. It has helped me papa!

Please let’s stop deceiving ourselves with resolutions especially those to do with our habits o. I once had a girlfriend at the university and one of the things we prayed against as a resolution was not to fornicate in 1998. It was 31st of December 1997. We prayed and jumped over into January 1, 1998 and she spent the night in my room since we closed late from the watch night service and my roommate was also not around. We locked the door and went ‘by our useless resolution’. So you expect that resolution we prayed over a few minutes earlier to work? Why do some of us like deceiving ourselves like that han?

Anyway, I pray for long life, prosperity and good health for ourselves and those who depend on us including our girls! During the holidays I only went to play golf small and ended at hole 18 of the Achimota golf course where I was once a caddie. You don’t know who a caddie is? A caddie is usually a boy who carries the golf bags of the men and women with ‘flat’ bellies around holes one through to the last hole, that is hole 18! I remember the days of my cousin, Mona Captan! This woman, arguably the best female golfer in the whole of West Africa those days; she once scored a hole-in-one at hole 18 and the whole Club House went agog with KojoAntwi’s Daadianoma blurring from the loudspeakers. This was some time in 1990 or so sponsored by GACEM. A hole-in-one is when the first kick from the spot enters the hole straight.

The days the likes of golf greats such as Emos Kobla, Victor Brave Mensah, Steven Klah, John Dorman and one Nyarkoh were at the peak of their professional careers and were at each other’s heels as to who was who in golfing..the professional way. For amateurs and learners, the levels started from Level Par, and then progresses to Birdie, Bogey, and finally to Eagle before the professional level though in our part of the world, there are only a few professional golfers.

Those were the days I first met renowned late Medical Doctor ‘DrNyahhoClinic’ playing golf. It was a delight to watch him play with his wood, iron and putter (pronounced ‘pata’) golf clubs before climaxing it all in hole 18 with his last kick with the putter. He was such a delight to watch playing golf. He received all the applause!

I learnt how to play golf by just watching them play and I excelled as a caddie till I entered the secondary school which was surrounded by the Achimota Golf course. Being a caddie has never been easy. Carrying bags containing metal clubs with different clubs was what has made me walking like ‘guy guy’ nowadays. It became a part of me. When the golf ball with brand names such as Dunlop, Slazenger, Pinnacle, Title list, Topflight, go into the bush, it was the responsibility of the caddie to go and look for it for his Master. Buoy! Man suffer before o… My Master was a Japanese we nicknamed ‘Aforkpavi’ (small shoes in Ewe).

The language barrier created a problem between us and you can imagine. Anytime we journeyed on the field of play, Aforkpavi was so magnanimous he would want me to go and eat first because to go round the full 18 holes was going to be a lot of work. Each time, he saw me eating, it was kenkey and pepper…finish! Till one day he got angry at me and asked the kenkey seller to add fish in a language easily comprehensible as a smile in any language. He got upset with shouts of: ‘Mavuli, everyday kenkey, every day kenkey, every day kenkey; what are wrong you’. It is not his fault; neither was it my fault. Man must survive! Hmmmm! The most important thing was that he spoke his Japanese English in limited quantity in Ghana and was excited by himself!

I insist, poverty is a crime that needs to be eliminated but it all depends on each and every individual o, yoo! Be there and be thinking someone must help you get out of it without making your own FOCUSED efforts!

Occasionally we went to play golf at Sakumono Celebrity, Royal Golf Course and Tema Country Golf, Officers Mess, etc. In fact, I mastered the virtue of honesty through what we saw our masters doing. Even though nobody was really watching them play, the big men never cheated. They would never play 8 kicks off the golf ball before entering the hole 18 and other holes lower than that  (s3bi s3bi o) and say it was 5 kicks just to have an unethical competitive advantage over the others. No way! It was not a matter of winning at all cost but rather a matter of healthy honest competition, fun and exercising! I never saw cheating happening but I was aware it’s more of business networking too.

During the Christmas period, I was tactically stingy with my level of magnanimity. You see when you give during Christmas, technically people don’t really need your present; they just want it. The reason is simple: salaries have been paid. If lucky, bonuses might have been paid as well. Hampers flying from Gambaga to Accra… from Wiawso to Keta and so people will say THANK YOU but with very little value attached to it. So what I did was to reduce my giving. I’ve already paid the school fees I needed to pay in January. So the little I have left is spent wisely. So I am waiting till the middle of January so that the little I give, they would still appreciate it because January has 91 days.

But if I give now, some of ‘those’ will still come back in the middle of January saying ‘I am broke oo’. Hahaahaha!  I hardly complain about January and September school fees festivals o. I don’t think one needs to be rich to easily pay January and September school fees for their children and wards. It’s all about planning well. For September for instance, I start planning in February how much I have to pay in September, add 10% possible increase in fees and then spread my estimation over 7 months and start saving from February. 

Assuming I had to pay GHC4,000 in September, with effect from February I spread it up to August 30th so I  put aside GHC572 aside every month. Divide GHC572 by 30 days. It means every day, you are saving only GHC19.06 towards your September school fees. By that time, when you see people online at 2 am thinking about school fees, that’s when you would sleep best…because you didn’t have to wait for September before jumping from one family member or friend abroad or locally or asking for a salary advance to pay fees! Plan well o…yooo. If you are saving and you are not feeling it, you are probably not saving enough. You’ve got to feel it!

Adabrakagari and beans joints are in trouble this January o. Watch and see. Fried rice and chicken will suddenly become ‘health risks’ to people for fear of cholesterol. We have chopped all our December salary in December. January must take care of itself abi? The parties after parties have come to an end. It’s time for fasting after fasting. If the pocket is empty you convert it into a 5-day fasting…usually without prayers. That’s all!

So what type of hole 18 were you thinking of entering in 2020? God forgive you your sins, bad man! Hahaaaaaaa!