I had always maintained that if you have two wives and they have been fighting every day, please allow them to continue fighting. Just be happy. Otherwise when they are on good terms and decide to one day team up against you, you are finished. Why change a ‘winning team’! Let them fight, after all you caused it! I just remembered my late uncle Ganyaglo when he made peace between his two wives and they later teamed up and beat him up when he came back home late home drunk!

Sometimes I wonder why the Black Queens and other national female teams are still being managed and coached by men o! Is it not true that the Black Queens qualified for and played in the World Cup before the Black Stars did? Ah! That is why I agree with the saying ‘whatever men can do, women can do better’. Is it not true? Still debateable though because my corridor light bulbs have been off since September this year and bcos I decided I won’t change them until my wife and daughters did, my corridor is still dark.

But you know what? Women are awesomely awesome inside out. If the 3 wise men were to be women at the time of Jesus birth, they would have helped in the delivery of Jesus faster, They would have cleaned the stable and covered it with white calico, brought baby diapers and korle bu powder and gifted Mary with Saturday night powder but would do konkonsa about it later as to how poor Joseph was and failed to buy common powder for his wife, Mary. My wife, abeg, na joke I dey joke  o. Hahaaaa!

But trust me on their way back, they would still be discussing how the seamstress who sewed the dress for Mary should have added cushion on the shoulders to make her top look bigger. They would have been wondering how Joseph was going to take care of the family since he had been unemployed since he finished his national service. As for that donkey, the way it was behaving, they would conclude, it was tired and needed rest. Just like we men, our wives are bitter-sweet otherwise why do we keep complaining about them and still keep them and still chase other small small ones!

Clap for some of our wives er…kpa kpa kpa kpa kpaa kpaaaa!

Yaovi, if you are building a house and you are less than 80% complete, please don’t send your wife to the building site with the view to impressing er. I thought I was going to impress my wife with a new building under construction. I visited the place with her last Sunday. With the hope that she was going to say something nice to encourage me, she rather remarked very discouragingly: ‘ah, is it bcos of this useless thing in this bush with snakes and scorpions that every day you keep disturbing me that ‘I am going to site, I am going to site? You would come and stay here alone!” Hmmm! If you know, you know oo!

That was just after church service after she had given a wonderful testimony about me o. There is nothing as ungodly as deceiving yourself. Why do men say they love ONLY their wives when in actual fact…they…? Any man who says such a thing requires an Ananias and Saphira lying detector. Ajeeeiishhhh!

 She told the whole church that her husband is the most faithful man on earth and was asking the congregation to help her thank God for giving her such a wonderful husband. Eish! Even the pastor laughed laughed laughed and and and…collapsed! What nearly spoilt this testimony was that Ablavi, my ‘side eyi’ also laughed and shouted ‘praise be to the living God’, in a rather sarcastic manner. That girl er, hmmm!

The day Jesus will come er, I wonder if he will get any complete meaningful souls to join him in Heaven. Me sef, am not sure of myself and therefore disqualify myself already! I think he should consolidate us; all those with a little righteousness are put together in 100s as 1 person qualified for heaven otherwise to get a fully qualified righteous person, I doubt, even myself!

Thank God for faithful wives. May unfaithful husbands be pardoned in Jesus’ name I pray! Heavenly Father, forgive us for we have no idea what we are doing! Amen!

Some three years ago my US-based Pharmacognosy friend, Dr. (Mrs) Comfort Afua Asomani-Awuah returned from the Merica to celebrate her Dad’s 77th birthday. Ei that man should be 80 years by now o. It was a beautiful sight to behold as it was an all-ladies affair to give their Dad a befitting celebration before the ‘transition’ later in his 120th year – at least that is their least projection for their Dad.

It was getting late at the Sakumono N’Joy Hotel when three (3) volunteers were invited by the MC to wish the special Dad Noah Asomani (Old Soldier) a happy birthday. Three (3) men came forward to give their well-wishes within a few minutes. After that, the women started protesting; they didn’t understand why only men went but I remember very well that the invitation to the first 3 volunteers was not limited to men only oo! Ayooo, no problem! To avert any gender-sensitive reaction, the MC gave the microphone to a woman and she spoke well. Of course, that was not without answering a call that came through her mobile phone just at the time the microphone was given to her! I thought it was going to end there. Nooo! The women protested again. To size up, the MC invited 2 more women (to make it 3 men, 3 women). Guess how many of them came to line up –12! My wife was one of them. I just wondered what she was going to say. Indeed when it got to her turn, all I heard was a song I have known her to be very bad at singing ‘Akpe na Mawu’. I still remember how she was sacked from the church choir because her voice could not be found on the keyboard! My dear Gbigodo, you are the best wai. Haaa!

 Instead of just going straight to give the well-wishes to save time, each one of the 12 preceded the message with a song or two and often these were repetitions almost wasting everybody’s time! The MC nearly fainted! The cordless ‘Mike’ was running on low battery! Indeed whatever men can do, women can do better, no be so? Hmmm! No comment!

Congratulations on your now 80th birthday o, Staff Sgt (Rtd) Dr. Yaw Noah Asomani of Michel Camp. Once a soldier, always a soldier! Your girl-children especially your troublesome Baby-last, Cee Connie made you really proud. You deserve it! I nearly said more grease to your elbows but I hesitated because I don’t know what you’d use the grease for at this 80th hour! Sir, I lie? Hahaaaa! 

It was on my way from this celebration that I decided to think about how each one of those women including my wife represented Jesus’ 12 disciples – the women’s wing. I know my wife; she could easily pass for Peterina. She would never deny Jesus when the cock crowed but would have explanations as to why the cock should have been a hen.

There was another woman that would easily pass for Johnita because she would have been very close and loyal to Jesus. Judasiana, oh what a lovely name! She would often be the one to pick her phones and disappear into the washroom to call someone and later come back to kiss Jesus. Lukina would have been Jesus’ Secretary, typing all the letters meant for the fishing harbor manager.

Markina would be Jesus’ cook while Mathewina would have been the one in charge of photocopies. As for Thomasiana, she wouldn’t even believe Jesus was born on December 25 and would keep wondering if all of Jesus’ miracles could be sustained.

Bartholomewiana, and the rest of the female disciples, I bet, they wouldn’t have allowed Jesus to be killed. They would roll on the ground begging Pirate and co to reverse the decision and it would work. The bad news is that if that were to be the case, you and I our sins would not have been forgiven today even though we still keep sinning deliberately.

We are all sinners; let’s forgive and we will be forgiven.

God be with us all this festive season and as we pray for a better 2020, let’s start imagining how Christmas would have been like if during Jesus’ ministry, his disciples were women! Praise the Lord!

See you next year! Amen!