I always say. I always think. And I always envisage that living with sickle cell disease is not an easy task. It is no simple a journey. And it is no small a challenge. But there is one that is harder. One that does not yield to easy answers. And one that probes deeper into the very rooms of our privacy. And it is this: going into a relationship with sickle cell disease.

Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to talk to that special someone late into the night. And everyone would like to be told how special they are. It is a primal instinct, hardwired into our existence and both shared by us as humans and many other primates.

People (and special reference to a relatively larger majority) are only “aware” and “sensitive” to sickle cell disease in one or two ways: that they die early or that they are never a marriage material. To some extent, and to that degree which I intend not to expend energy to disprove such an ill conceived assertion, these claims prove highly misleading and non factual.

Because I have seen sickle cell persons marry. I have seen sickle cell persons love and get loved. And I have seen sickle cell persons age into their late eighties and nineties. It is not an achievement attained without sweat, effort, commitment, determination and conviction. It is one borne out of a wonderful support family, a loving and encouraging environment, an understanding and compromising partner, a diligent and conscious perspective with an ever present God. Without these essentials, the lives of sickle cell persons get fraught with challenges, confrontations and limitations that could bleed into grave and fatal consequences.

And I have always wondered why can’t other sickle cell persons live the love-life that they wanted to live if their non-sickle cell colleagues in different places are living their desired life. Several answers popped into my head. And of prominence in these answers is that fact that going into a relationship as a sickle cell person and the receptive/tolerant or the hostile/unwelcoming posture of the other partner will very much determine the future outcome of that relationship.

Or in environments or societies which are unwelcoming to people with a sickle cell disease, several dilemmas confront the parties coming together in the relationship. On the part of the sickle cell person, questions as to when and what time to disclose one’s sickle cell status, what the impact or consequences will be on the relationship and the fear that the sickle cell partner could be walked away from after the disclosure, and many other mental hurdles go to confront him or her. On the side of the partner without the disease, the fear of an unknown and uncertain future, the drudgery of shielding himself or herself from the myriad of negative social categorizations that friends attribute to persons with sickle cell disease; the constant pressure from family members and other inner clique of colleagues that are inimical to the progress of the relationship, and the sometimes unstable health of the sickle cell person all goes to fuel this confusion.

But I have, through very painful and hurting circumstances, learned that truth must be told. That truth should prevail. And most importantly that truth get told to those who are worthy of it. Being a sickle cell person is a confidential issue (apart from me going public with my condition with the aim of educating people), to you and your family, just like other health matters, and if one does not consider a relationship as graduating towards the point which is likely to lead to marriage, I do not see the essence in someone disclosing his or her sickle cell status to the other partner. Because when you do tell the truth to the wrong person and they go, they definitely will take away an essential part of your privacy. But if you should tell it to the one worthy of it and if they should go, you will feel at peace, at least that they were really not meant to stay. Remember that truth is priceless and it has to be told to those who are worthy of it.

So pursue with confidence your desired love-life and in doing so disclose your sickle cell status to the partner involved, if you are really convinced that he or she is worthy of such a confidential matter, and if he or she, later, agrees to continue with you in the relationship, it’s all for good. And it happens in relations: that partners continue even after knowing that they are very likely to father and mother a child with the condition. So it does happen. But never brood all your life because someone left after telling them. They were not meant to stay. And remember that in relationships, we are all vulnerable. People can leave, through no fault of your own. It happens even to people without the disease. We are all vulnerable when in relationships. And the only place outside heaven where we can be free from all the perturbations of love is hell. If someone leaves, move on with life, there is a wonderful replacement that God has planned for you. Go for it. And it will only happen when you move on.

Sometimes these things and situations of our love life are harsh and hectic. They will take a lot of effort, dedication, intuition and hope to understand and imbibe. Though the road might be tough, but for the one determined to pursue the path of love, persistence and reliance on God will provide the aiding spirits to continue. Though everything might be wrong, we still can live right. Though our ships might be crackling on the ocean of challenge, we still can port in the harbor of hope. Because God will be on our side. So live right, even when you get disappointed with love. Have courage and take another love journey. And should you get a loving partner who understands, treasure him or her, for such gems are rare to find.

Contact Details

Email Address: torgbuimichael@yahoo.com

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If you want us to speak or educate a group, give an awareness on sickle cell disease, please call us on 0243528250