Q: Regarding your story on declining eye contact, are the rules different for listeners than for speakers? I try to be a good listener by looking directly into the face of the person talking. But I don't want to creep people out. —J.K., Los Angeles A: Your instincts are correct: Eye contact is a sign of respect and attentiveness, says Suzanne Bates, chief executive of Bates Communications, a Wellesley, Mass-based firm that offers executive coaching and communications consulting. "The best way to make a warm and genuine connection, whether you're speaking with a colleague or a friend, is to look them in the eye," she says. In general, the rules are the same for listeners as they are for speakers. It is usually best to maintain eye contact for 7 to 10 seconds, then look away briefly, to avoid making your conversation partner feel as if you are staring her down, says Kelly Decker, executive vice president of Decker Communications, a business-communication training company based in San Francisco, whose clients have included Charles Schwab, Pfizer Inc. and Yahoo. If you sense the other person is uncomfortable, shift your eyes to another part of her face, suggests Ms. Bates, author of "Speak Like a CEO." Good listening skills are a powerful tool. You can make a speaker feel, even in a crowded room, that he or she is the only other person there, says Ms. Bates. During a tense or difficult conversation, maintaining eye contact can defuse anger or criticism. A steady gaze suggests you are in control, but not fearful, say communications experts. And in face-to-face negotiations, looking a challenger straight in the eye with a reassuring, neutral expression can help you hold your ground.