Overview Conflict in a relationship is inevitable, but how you argue can have lasting effects on your children. Writing for the "Boston Globe's" website, Elizabeth Cooney cited The Simmons Longitudinal Study's findings that parents who frequently engage in heated verbal battles can inflict emotional damage upon their children which can extend into adulthood. Marion Winik, writing for the "Disney: Family" website, noted that conflict doesn't have to negatively impact children, indicating that parents who approach disagreements constructively and respectfully provide a model their children are likely to emulate. Children's responses during a fight Cooney interviewed family therapist James Powers with McLean Hospital, who stated that while children may withdraw from a parental fight, they may also respond by pleading for their parents to stop fighting or by taking a side and entering the battle. Marcie Lightwood, of the child abuse prevention organization Project Child, noted in an article for "The Morning Call" that when their parents are fighting, children can become fearful of bringing up home emergencies requiring immediate adult attention. Children often opt to struggle such situations themselves rather than risk becoming targets of their mother's or father's anger. Emotional effects after the fight Dr. Gordon Harold of Cardiff University discussed parental arguments with "Good Morning America," stating that children who witness an explosive display of negative emotions between their parents demonstrate increased levels of anxiety and depression. Lightwood further noted that children don't have the sense of proportion adults possess. An argument that may later seem trivial to their parents can appear cataclysmic to a child, leading to profound and lasting feelings of anxiety and insecurity. Effects on children's behavior Speaking with Marion Winik, Dr. Carol Ummel Lindquist, PhD, noted that children emulate their parents' behavior. If their parents engage in tactics such as bullying and making personal attacks during disputes, children will employ the same tactics during their own arguments. Dr. Gordon Harold reports that children who attempt to draw attention to themselves to interrupt a fight between their parents may resort to misbehavior or aggressive activity. If this tactic works, it has the potential to become a habitual behavior in the child. Lingering effects into adulthood Children who frequently witness heated battles between their parents tend to become averse to entering committed relationships after they become adults. Speaking with Marion Winik, Dr. John W. Jacobs, MD, indicated that adults with a history of witnessing perpetual parental conflict often leave relationships after conflict develops, out of fear of becoming ensnared in the same type of relationship their parents shared. Citing The Simmons Longitudinal Study, Elizabeth Cooney reported that children growing up in a combative environment were more likely to struggle with depression and unemployment, and more prone to succumb to substance abuse than peers who grew up with parents who had a harmonious relationship. When you have an argument When you have an argument with your spouse, avoid shouting, using profanity or making personal attacks. Never interrupt her and before your respond, ensure that you understand her point by summarizing what she's told you. Even when you're angry, let your spouse know you understand and respect her feelings. If an argument threatens to degenerate into a shouting match, break it off for the moment. Agree to walk away from the dispute and set a time to revisit the issue when you're calmer. If an argument becomes overheated, talk to your children afterward. Let them know that you regret the behavior they witnessed, reassuring them that you love them.