I didn’t know the use of nipples of men and why God gave us also nipples. It was only after marriage that I realized that men’s nipples are the best points of contacts that serve as aphrodisiacs when touched by their wives…only! It works like magic especially if a man wants to be ‘sustainably hard’ and ‘come home’ early! It’s sweet! I am sure that explains why some men also have breast cancer, according to medicine people.

Now you know very well that you have a hernia inside your blorkos. You are attending a business programme and see people crossing their legs in corporate style, and you too decided to cross your leg, knowing very well that per your condition, there can be a ‘balloon dor’!

You, go ahead! No one would force you to sit down well at this point. Is crossing of legs by force? Some of us by nature cannot do it.

It is the reason I hate this thing about pharmacy or chemical shop attendants when you go there to buy medicine either prescribed or over the counter and they tell you: ‘oh this brand you want, we don’t have but we have another one that does the same thing and is equally very effective or even more effective’.

I think MCAs and ‘draw store’ girls should be professional by telling customers that: ‘oh we don’t have this type but try from another shop and if you don’t get it from there, you can contact your medical doctor to prescribe an alternative brand for you. If you don’t have, you don’t have; medications are not like ‘let-me-try-and-see’. These are matters of life and death which should not be compromised!

Anyway, we are in October again and everything is about breasts breasts breasts! Do breasts become only more important in one month out of 12 months? I think it should be an everyday thing with the support of men – we don’t mind pressing it to check for lumps everyday! Have we complained? Give them to us to help la, ah!

My first visit to a breast cancer patient was when a colleague, Dzifa (of blessed memory) requested I accompany her to visit her auntie who underwent surgery at the hospital but lost her life days after the surgery. Breast cancer is a big deal and all men must come together to help - actively!

So upon all the business and financial information in this serious medium, all you are interested in is this unnecessary good-for-nothing column? Your wife will insult you through your daughter p333. If you like stop reading this and see, but woe unto you if you should read it. Please forgive me oo, ‘s3bi s3bi, I am one of ‘my people’. Haaaa! I just love my people and their eyi… Abeg, don’t take anything you read here seriously o; it is just for the fun of it, Yawa!

Moon die last week and salaries have been paid and I have my own payroll for some gals. They are the only ones who receive salaries for doing nothing for me. I don’t even know what I get from them before they still receive salary from me but it is important to help people in need especially those who pretend to be in need especially those who help us to be moving backward and forwards for two minutes just to release small grey or white fluid which we call enjoyment. We dey joke with generations o, hmm! 

By the end of this month, all the noise about breasts breasts breasts will come to an end! You pass here they say feel, touch, squeeze and suck…gently and men have been tasked with such responsibility and we have graciously accepted it and even doing ‘overtime’. Yaovi, my cousin di33333….oohh d3bida! When he got drunk 2 weeks ago, he just jumped on the wife singing ‘doctor says let me do it for you to prevent it’.

‘Do what for me to prevent what?’ The wife would ask. He has been doing the thing as if he's chewing boflot. If the thing is supposed to be that tender to reduce chances of breast cancer, why all these advices to suck, and some men do it such aggression.

Newborn babies are now our competitors in the month of October. Why not make it every Friday of the week effective October 2026? We have to wait till one whole year before the noise starts again? Or breast cancer and related matters happen only in October?

Sometimes I wonder what we men get from it o; there is really no nutritional value apart from the feeling of yiiiiii behind our waists with the potential to lead us to sin. Maybe the breast cancer preventive component is a good reason otherwise...??? Ironically some of the ‘single ladies’ feel they are doing me a favour. They don’t know I am rather becoming their breast doctor!

Effective November 1, wifee says she will suspend me from ‘preventing any breast cancer’ and that I don’t even do it well and that I’ve been doing it basa basa basa sometimes mistakenly biting her. I said no problem. I will by all means get some from my outside ‘vendors’ p3333! If you refuse to ‘cook’ at home, e no bi ‘outside food’ I go chop? My only problem was with one left breast I had to dodge after I had observed that some hard lump was in it and subsequently I had to be dodging that particular left breast till COVID. But the lady was understanding and saw it as a symptom and went for early check-up. Later after doctors had attended to her, that particular left breast became bordorrrr and ‘not a bad idea and she has been treated and very fine now! Breast will kill us, men.

If men are to help women prevent breast cancer, we don’t have a problem okay. But what can women also do to help men to prevent hernia? I rest my case. The conclusion you have drawn is enough. Except that men must be in good terms with their wives or else if they need help from their wives to prevent hernia, they must be ready for anything. Women are so forgiving er. Imagine your woman whom you have offended sending her mouth there to check whether you have hernia or not with her teeth in her mouth and your langalanga close by at her disposal? Ajeeeish! Remain there and think women don’t forgive, Ampesi!

Enjoy the weekend and remember happiness is not a destination. It is a journey! On this happy ending note, can we also consider dedicating the month of November for men and call it ‘Hernia Awareness Month?’

Our wives should get ready to help us also to prevent hernia. As for me, I wouldn’t mind how they would do it! All that I would do is to be in very good terms with my wife all the time because her teeth are very sharp!