To the person in a relationship that isn’t making you genuinely happy, I hope you find the courage within you to leave and focus on yourself.
When you’re in a toxic relationship – and by toxic I mean a relationship that is constantly bringing you down, making you doubt yourself, and bringing you more moments of sadness than joy – it’s like your self image totally changes.
You become so used to being with someone who doesn’t fulfil your needs that you end up forgetting all about what you deserve. You lose the person you once were, forgetting everything that made you happy before you were with someone who didn’t.
You begin to doubt yourself. You feel unworthy. Unwanted. Unlovable. And it’s strange, because when you’re with someone who makes you feel this way you still seem to stay – because you convince yourself that you’re the problem.
If you’re with someone and unhappy, maybe that’s your own fault. Who else is going to want you if you can’t seem to do anything right with this person? Don’t think about that. That’s your insecurity and self-doubt talking.
Don’t let your happiness be defined by someone wanting you. Don’t let your happiness depend on the offerings of another person. Find the love within yourself. If you are in a toxic relationship, I hope that you one day find the strength to leave.
I hope that you one day find it within you to realise enough is enough. I hope you find the courage to realise that you are deserving of love and happiness. I hope that when you do finally leave, you take time for yourself.
You look back on all of the sadness you felt being with somebody who was supposed to lift you up, who was supposed to remind you of what an amazing person you are, and realise that you are worth so much more.
You are worth so much more than someone who cannot see your worth. You are worth so much more than someone who makes you question whether you are good enough. You are worth so much more than someone who makes you doubt who you are.
And you are worth so much more than someone who has a negative impact on your mental health and wellbeing. It’s difficult leaving a toxic relationship.
No matter how unhappy you are, it seems that when it comes to an ending, you see everything through rose tinted glasses. Suddenly, the other person wasn’t the problem – you were. Suddenly, they look like the most amazing person in the world. But this initial sense of loss will pass. It will. I promise.
A relationship takes two and nobody in one is ever perfect – but don’t try to find reasons to stay with someone if it just isn’t working. If they just aren’t right for you, aren’t what you need, or fail to make you happy, don’t question whether you should feel this way or not – take it as it is.
Deep down, no matter how many times you tell yourself ‘it will get better’ or ‘they will change’, you know it’s not true. Maybe you’re in an unhappy relationship but you can’t tell that it’s toxic. There is a difference. Unhappy relationship happen. You lose the love and you’re both ready to call it quits.
But a relationship becomes toxic when it’s unhealthy. If your partner is constantly bringing you down, if you’re made to feel unattractive, if you’re being controlled, if you’re being made to feel like you just aren’t enough.
Don’t stay in a relationship like this. It is so detrimental to your health, and no matter how many times you tell yourself it’s ‘better than being alone’, it really isn’t.
Yes, the first few weeks or months may be hard. You’ve grown used to being around someone – it doesn’t mean you enjoyed being around them.
When you leave a toxic relationship, you open a whole new set of doors to finding yourself. To revisiting things you enjoyed before, to meeting up with people you stopped seeing.
To spend time by yourself and learn to live in comfort with yourself. It may seem scary, but I promise you, being alone and happy is better than being in a relationship and miserable. And when you’re finally over the initial, temporary heartache, you’ll come to realise that.