Some Ghanaian women see their lovers as kind, romantic, loving and exciting but deep down they are worried because they know their lovers are 'taken'. The women thus keep thinking what the future holds for them. Myths about following a married man * He says he loves me better than his wife. You only know what he says. This is an old story, but research indicates that 59 percent of women believe it. Fact is, most men don't look for something better but something different. It is also known that men having affairs do it just for themselves. You are not so special to him. If he weren't with you, he would be with another woman. Your replacement could be around the corner and even closer than that. He may only be using you to avoid dealing with his own marital difficulties. The painful reality is that you are simply a convenient vehicle. * He can't bear with his wife any longer and will leave her for me. Research shows that 53 percent of married men say this to their lovers. Many Ghanaian women stay in a limbo, waiting painfully to hear the news: "M'apam obaa no!" (I've sent her away). But in the end only one percent of men do as they say. In fact, if the man doesn't leave within three months, chances are he wouldn't. He will have plenty of excuses - he needs time, he may lose his job, his wife and children will be miserable, he may lose his reputation in church. Fact is, he can't leave because he has built his life around his family and will not sacrifice them for you. No matter what he says or you think, you will remain second to his family. He doesn't lose anything. * He is my soul mate and we will be happier if we marry. Your affair may be exhilarating, exciting and passionate, but even if he leaves his wife for you, it doesn't guarantee a fulfilling relationship. Studies show that marriages in such circumstances have five times chances of failure rate. Fact is, relationships built on deception and secrecy have no foundation. Both partners don't see each other as reliable. Both know each is capable of cheating. Selfishness ends in destruction. What you must know Dating a married man is not a picnic. You can only sneak around. It entails restrictions, including giving up part of you and openly expressing your emotions to friends and family members. You don't find him when you need him most. You can't have him all to yourself. You may also be stigmatised. He controls and conducts the relationship. Your only choice is to accept or not. If you are waiting for your turn, think again. If he doesn't leave his wife for you, you get heart-broken and dispirited because you don't feel worthy enough. If he leaves his wife for you, you will live with the guilt of being a party to what has destroyed a family. You can't forgive yourself for ruining other people's lives. Either way, you lose. In fact, research clearly indicates that majority of women with married lovers have pain, anguish, despair, loss of self-esteem, depression, betrayal and loneliness. Loving a married man then becomes pointless. Is your lover married? If your lover is married, accept today that it is time to move and take charge of your life. Don't put your life on hold for a married man because you deserve better. No matter how you want to justify your present state, fact is, you are harming yourself and your family, him and his family. Emotions affect lives. It is damaging, destructive, painful, time wasting, demeaning and misery. It is also important to know that what goes around comes around. Do you want to be married and have children one day? If your marriage were in trouble, would you want somebody to help or destroy you? Don't do what you don't want others to do to you. For every married man you see, there are thousands of single men who are better. The most important relationship you can ever have is one you have with yourself and with one you can have to yourself. Choose to be strong and honourable. As you live upright and become a good model of womanhood, true love will find you. Is your lover married? Take back your life. It may be difficult like a drug addict during detoxification but your sacrifice will enhance your future marriage and motherhood. The best advice for a woman in an affair with a married man is simple. Don't. Authored by John Boakye: jydboakye@yahoo.com Source: The Mirror