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The other day I went into a bookshop and found the wife’s books on a couple of shelves. Not that her writing filled two shelves, but her trilogy of St. Felice books had been placed apart. Who does that?

So I surreptitiously moved the books to the same shelf, side by side, in holy matrimony as it were. Isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be about, even in books?? I don’t think any of the employees in the shop saw me. Isn’t that what marriage is also about?? All three books were left in the same space on the same shelf. Marriage. Isn’t that what free adverts are all about??

Dogs & Crows
I believe I have mentioned on this blog before how my dogs go completely gaga when the area crows land on our roof at home. It is truly a sight to behold. The dogs are leaping up and down impotently (well, they are bitches, innit?!), barking madly, slobbering at the mouth, making absolutely no impact on the crows. Meanwhile, smaller birds sail through the air with impunity and land on the dog’s feeding bowls, pecking at the dog’s food, swimming in their water bowl (without a lifeguard I might add), and generally feeling free in our front yard.

And now something strange has happened. The crows have grown wings! Oh, wait, sorry, they have wings already. I mean, their wings have grown wings. No, wait, sorry…I mean they have extra wings. Wait….you know what I mean, right?! All I know is that the crows have begun landing in our front yard with even more impunity than the small birds. They are also eating from the dog’s food bowls and drinking from their water bowl. And the dogs are doing nothing about it! They sit there staring, not one bark, or string of slobber, or even a dirty look. Nothing! What is going on?? Is it that time of the month??

Now, before someone sends me a supernatural explanation, I would prefer a scientific one. Or at least a canine or avian sociological explanation. On the other hand, maybe if you told me whom the crows represent in human form….and whom the dogs represent….and whom the small birds are really when no one is around….and what their food means. We might have the beginning of a script for a new Ghanaian movie here.

At Mass
At Mass the other morning some toonoo sitting in front of me was having an audible mobile phone conversation. The fact that Mass hadn’t actually started yet is beside the point. This is the House of God people. And then when he cut the call just as Mass was starting he missed the number for the processional hymn and asked me for it. Nonsense! I almost didn’t tell him…

Then at Communion one of the Deacons leaned forward as I was receiving the Holy Sacrament and asked me something. I was shocked! I was horrified! I was transmogrified! At Communion!! Couldn’t they wait until I got back to my seat? I’m still paralysed! Am I going to tell you what the Deacon asked….??

Not So Holy
Speaking of being shocked, I was at an event the other day. A prayer was being offered over an offering and my eyes were shut….when the most wonderful aroma assaulted my nose….and my mouth began to water. Let me explain something to you. It was around 5:30 pm on a weekday, we were outdoors, and I had not had lunch. I promptly forgot the fact that a prayer was in motion, and began to imagine all kinds of culinary visions while I sniffed the air and took deep breaths! Dear Lord, please forgive me my momentary (about 5 minutes) aberration when your word was being preached. The food was good, when we finally got around to finishing it off, in case you’re wondering.

Bass Guitar x2
I attended a private event at +233. I don’t go to that place often enough. The Ghana Jazz Collective was playing, the first time I had heard them. They were excellent. A four-piece band with drums, keyboards, saxophone, and bass guitar. Excellent live jazz, the kind that makes you happy to be alive. Then, they were joined by Nenyi Quaison-Sackey. He plays the bass guitar. So we had two bass guitars on stage. Please note, no lead or rhythm guitars.

And we were treated to the most inventive and creative version of Bob James’ Westchester Lady I ever hope to experience! Eish, Ewurade Jesu!! Bass guitars keeping the rhythm in tandem, and each player breaking out into a solo while the other kept the pounding bass foundation going. I no see or hear some before, I swear! Wow! It was incredible jazz! Bass guitars being played like lead guitars!

I think one bass was 6-string and the other was 5-string. Most normal bass guitars are 4-string, aren’t they? And these guys were strumming, plucking, and slapping. Later they played a luminous version of Grover Washington’s Mister Magic. And I also discovered that Mr Quaison-Sackey hadn’t actually rehearsed with the Ghana Jazz Collective; could have fooled me!! I went home a very satisfied man. Live jazz is good for your soul.

Chickens
I was wondering the other day, do chickens get upset when their recently laid eggs are raided by humans? I mean, seriously, how would you feel if someone did something violent to your pregnancy? The chickens know that the eggs contain their unhatched chicks, right? And then they turn around and the eggs are gone. What’s that?? Do they wonder what happened?

By the by, do the roosters who ‘did’ the chickens also come back and inquire after their children? “Hey you, chicken of mine, I don’t see any eggshells! Where are my children?? The humans did what?? Scrambled or as an omelette??” I wasn’t eating eggs when these apparently random thoughts came to mind….but….how do you like chicken? I prefer it grilled….after it has left the egg stage.

Woman?
I’ve been taking female multivitamins. Would you like to know why? My (male) multivitamins finished sometime last year, and I never got round to buying a new bottle. Then I heard the other half saying that she appeared to be reacting to her new multivitamins. Reacting? Pray how? Okay, I can’t say here, but I didn’t expect to react the same way. But I hate seeing things go to waste. So I offered to take them of her, and she happily handed them over for free, gratis, and no charge. That was the first sign…

I mention this because I am beginning to suspect….since I started taking female multivitamins….my beard….my laugh….my eating….my outlook on life….all suddenly very suspicious! I swear my father…or…no…I swear my mother. Even my desires! My views on fashion! Arsenal!! Eish!! But I can’t stop the one pill a day…

Nancy Pelosi
Speaking of women, I am totally in awe of the Speaker of the House in the USA, Nancy Pelosi. What a woman!! From the time she began to terrorise that blowhard in the White House, she has shown that she will not stand for his nonsense. From the sideways clapping to her shredding of his speech at his final State of the Nation address, Nancy Pelosi is all woman, baby!! He should try to grab her by the p….! And she’s been to Ghana already! I dey wait am again!!

Brexit
Brexit has finally happened, apparently, shortly after Megxit. Excuse me, but doesn’t that mean there is a vacancy of sorts in the EU, a space for one more country? Are the Europeans looking to fill that vacancy? Would they be willing to accept an application from Africa, specifically from West Africa, particularly from Ghana? Please say yes…I’d like to see what being in the EU is like and how bad it was that the British left. If I don’t like it we could always Ghexit….right?!

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