I love men. I love how they move, how they sit, how they kiss. I love how they play air guitar, quote Wedding Crashers, man the grill and roughhouse together. I love to hear them complain about their sports team losing, observe them trying (and failing) to be subtle when checking me out, or watch them wrestle their dog.

And don’t get me wrong — I love a man with a six-pack, with that to-die-for body. But when it comes down to it, the things that make a man attractive have very little to do with the packaging. 

Here are 9 everyday things husbands do that are wildly attractive to their wives:

1. Lift me up

The guy that picks me up and spins me around, or holds me tightly with my arms and legs wrapped right around him, will always win my heart. Depending on the context, it is one of the most comforting experiences. Even if we’re not dating, I always feel happy, free, and feminine. 

Perhaps it is the reminder of your strength, my petiteness, or both at the same time. Perhaps it’s the sensual, spontaneous experience of the way we fit together, the way our bodies are connected at that moment. Perhaps it’s just the fact that you’re bigger than me.

Whatever it is, it’s attractive.

2. Open doors & give up seats

I find it annoying when people say chivalry is dead. It’s not. It’s alive and kicking — yes, even in the younger generation.

I know this because, amongst other things, I ride the NYC subway. There, I’ve experienced many men — good men, great men — give up their seats for the elderly (both women and men), open doors for others, and help me lift my (many) suitcases up the (many) stairs. To them, I say 'I salute you.'

3. Deal with their stuff

I have many talents. I can speak five languages. I’m a good writer. I’m exquisitely empathetic. I kick butt at Trivial Pursuit. I can even dance the tango at a near-professional level.

However, I stink at practical, common-sense stuff. I can barely change a light bulb, let alone fix stuff around the house.

I get that this is a cliché — trust me, I do. It’s also true I find it somehow deeply satisfying that men are distinct. I love that I’m good at things that they’re not and that they effortlessly do things I don’t understand at all. I compliment you for complimenting me. I get to relax because you just take care of stuff. It's freeing.

4. Be super-solid while I’m freaking out

When I am losing it about something (legitimate or not), I don’t need to be fixed. I don’t need to be told what to do, I don’t need advice, and I certainly don’t need someone to tell me to calm down. I just need to be witnessed.

When I’m on my crazy train, I don’t want a man to try to stop it (he won’t be able to, anyway). I just want him to be with me while I’m on it. I want to know I’m not alone.

Plus, research indicates that kindness, emotional intelligence, and emotional stability have been linked to a more significant romantic attraction. 

5. Play with kids

A recent study found that women perceive men as more attractive when they are seen interacting with children, which was suggested by an evolutionary theory stating that nurturing behavior in a potential partner was highly valued. 

6. Accept emotions

In my experience, many men (many people, but men in particular) are threatened by emotions like sadness, anger, or fear. They want to fix it right away to soothe their own anxiety. They can’t tolerate the idea that a woman is unhappy. They can’t tolerate the idea that they might be blamed for it.

Then there is the man who accepts me in all of my facets, not just the ‘pretty’ ones. He has learned to be with emotion—just be with it. He doesn’t feel the need to make it go away or turn it into something else. He just accepts and genuinely wants to know.

With him, I feel deeply safe. I know I can bring all of me, and he’s going to be able to handle it. I don’t have to manage his experience of me. I can just be.

7. Care about his friends

I fell in love with my husband in stages. The first was one night when we sat in his truck outside his place while he called his best friend, who had just lost his grandfather. He listened, made manly sounds of sympathy (like grunts), asked about his friend’s family members, told his friend he loved him in his own way, and promptly got off the phone.

It was brief but real and heartfelt. And when I saw him care about his friend — care about him, but in a different way than I care about my female friends — I fell pretty hard.

I think he was surprised by how much I wanted him after that phone call. I may or may not have given him a minute, then attacked him right there in the truck.

8. Show his backbone

Pointless aggression is a turn-off, but watching a man enforce strong boundaries is not. It's attractive when a man stands up for himself by telling his boss to find someone else to work this weekend, puts his foot down with the slacker on his team, or quietly but firmly tells his brother that he can’t borrow the car. Even when it’s directed at me, I love seeing that fire within you, that point of resistance that says no.

9. Listen

The most attractive thing a man can do is listen to me — all of me.

This man has a way of drawing out my deepest truth simply by being fully present. He isn’t thinking about what to say next, whether I still like him, how to get me to stop crying, or what to do now. He’s just noticing me, tracking me, attuning himself to me. He’s letting the moment unfold without trying to control it. And him taking the lead in this way has me stop trying to control it as well. Which feels good.