Opinion

Women and rivalry

  27 April 2008 4:00am
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One of the sweetest moments in a relationship is for lovers to look at each other in a romantic mood. Scientist, using Magnetic Resonance Image (MRI) on lovers looking at each other, find the brain chemicals spark off a powerful feeling of romance as the brain centre for motivation gets excited.Unfortunately for some lovers, it is not all joy when they look at their lovers because instead of the two, they see four eyes. The extra two are those of a rival. And it hurts. In Akan, we say "Emaa kyiri ani enan", meaning, women hate four eyes or rivalry.Women and rivalryUnlike men, women see anything that is important as part of them. Again, unlike men, the greatest emotional needs of a woman are the quality and security of her relationship. A woman sees a man she loves as part of herself and a rival as someone who threatens her most precious possession. She fights back to re-establish herself and the emotional bond.Why multiple relationships?Most people have a false sense of love. If the true purpose of love is not known, abuse is inevitable. Many lovers abuse love. Men get into multiple relationships not for something better but something different: to enhance their ego through the services they provide and sexual fulfilment. Women get into multiple relationships mainly for personal benefits like money and promotion at workplaces. It is also known that many stay in multiple relationships hoping to graduate from "aplanke" (driver's mate) and worm their way into the driving seat. Studies also indicate that women love attraction and will get into multiple relationships just to be known as having affairs with a popular or wealthy persons. See how beautiful girls flock around our sportsmen, singers and actors.In some cases, partners in multiple relationships are confused. They have the myth that keeping many lovers will give them greater options of the eventual winner. Fact is it is extremely difficult for a man to love two women deeply. Even if he wanted to, the two women wouldn't let him. There are also cases where some women have poor images of themselves. They think their lovers are their destined life partners and fear they might never get anyone better.Effects of rivalryWomen in rivalry suffer bitterness and loss of self-esteem. They wonder if they are adequate, as they wonder what the other woman has and they lack. Some actually blame themselves for the situation. Above all, these women lose trust and confidence in their men.This loss spills over to other future relationships. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If you lose it, your relationship goes with it. Most multiple relationships, therefore, end in disaster because partners know that each is capable of cheating.It is also known that men with many girlfriends tend not to respect women. They, therefore, treat the women as they wish. In the end, everybody in a multiple relationship loses part of his good self. In Akan, we say, "Wode w'ani mienu hwe toa mu a, baako bo". (If you look into a bottle with two eyes, one of them could get destroyed.)What to do in a rivalry




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