Relationships

Is he good enough to date?

  31 October 2011 2:38pm
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On the first date he says, “let’s have sex.” Men have sex on their minds and sometimes they can’t help but voice their carnal intentions. This is normal: A man’s spoken desire to rip your clothes off may even turn you on. However, if all he seems to talk about from date one is getting you in his bed, he may take you for a floozy. When “let’s get busy” comes before “what’s your name?” it’s a sign that he’s only interested in getting to know you on a sexual, not personal, level. He doesn’t make you feel special Your boyfriend is supposed to love you. He’s supposed to make you feel like the most beautiful, intelligent, wonderful woman in the world. If he’s not making you feel special, it’s time to re-evaluate how he is making you feel. We’d take a wild guess it’s something other than good. His idea of a date is a booty call You’d be surprised how many women confuse late-night hookups with actual relationships. You should know that if a guy’s truly interested in you, he’s going to take you out, not merely invite you to join him once he’s already at the bar with his boys, or call you after midnight just to “see what you’re up to.” And if that’s exactly what’s going on, then you, my friend, are merely his last resort when he can’t find another chick to take home. He gushes about another woman Whether he can’t shut up about his new coworker, yoga teacher, or supposed “friend,” if your guy goes on and on about another woman, he could be guilty of emotional cheating and may not be far from physical cheating. His focus on this particular woman may start with a few short mentions and slowly graduate to extended conversations about everything from her career choice to her coffee choice. He’s shady with his phone If he’s always receiving calls in the middle of the night, and takes them in another room, or grabs his phone the second it rings in the hopes that you won’t see the caller ID, he’s probably not talking to his mother. Don’t fall for lines like “It’s a work call” or “That’s an old college friend,” because he’s probably telling the same exact thing to the other women he’s seeing when you call. Often the amount of secret texts he sends is directly related to how many women he’s sleeping with. He doesn’t fight fair Whether it’s because your guy’s defensive or just a jerk, if he becomes excessively aggressive when the two of you have an argument, he isn’t fighting fair -- possibly the most detrimental trait of a bad communicator. Instead of dealing with the present, a boyfriend on the defense will often dig up the past, diverting the conversation away from him (which almost always means he knows he did something wrong). You should never put up with your boyfriend attacking you on a personal level, which includes telling you “you’re just like your mother,” and, our favorite, calling you “crazy.” He’s lazy in bed A laggard guy always positions you on top so he can lie there while you do all the work or pass out after you give him head so he doesn’t have to reciprocate. Sure, it may require some effort to get a gal off, but if you continually ask your man to go down on you and in response he sighs and gives a half-hearted “fine,” he’s officially lazy in bed. And we hate to say it, but if your man isn’t proactive in bed, he may be the type who expects everyone else, especially you, to pick up his slack in other areas of his life. He’s a stage-5 clinger Relationships work best when two people have their own, independent lives apart from the one they share. A man shouldn’t need you to continually entertain him or spend every second with him. You signed up to be your guy’s girlfriend, partner, or wife, not his security blanket. Think about whether his attachment is because he loves spending time with you or because he needs you to navigate each day. If it’s the latter, you’re more compass than companion. He’s never around when you need him the most A dude who doesn’t support you during a time of real need certainly won’t hold your hand through the birth of your child, the deaths of your parents, and any other high-stress or grief-ridden situations that you’re sure to face. Part of the perk of having a long-term beau is that you don’t have to go through life’s ups and downs alone. If he takes off when the going gets tough, you’re better off going at it alone. He tells his mom everything Momma’s boys are in constant communication with their mothers. You may not realize it, but if you’re dating one, his mom probably knows every intimate detail of your relationship, and takes liberty to weigh in on every argument the two of you have. Chances are, you’ll have to listen to her opinion -- a momma’s boy isn’t shy about voicing what’s on his mommy’s mind. He’s stingy with personal details Most men aren’t going to pour their hearts out and sob on your shoulder. They’ve been conditioned to believe that real men don’t cry. And while your boyfriend isn’t required to shed tears in front of you, it would be nice if he could clue you in as to what he’s thinking every now and then. If you’ve been dating your man for months, but you still haven’t heard one mention of his childhood or career aspirations, something’s not right. He’s a text-a-holic With e-mailing, texting, instant messaging, and Facebook, a true discussion has become easier than ever to avoid. We understand the inclination to hide behind electronics: It’s easier to tell a gal something embarrassing, devastating, or risqué when you don’t have to look her in the face. If your guy continually brings up serious relationship issues via IM, he’s avoiding a real discussion.

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DISCLAIMER: The Views, Comments, Opinions, Contributions and Statements made by Readers and Contributors on this platform do not necessarily represent the views or policy of Multimedia Group Limited.

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