Dear Self,

Before the onset of feminism, women were denigrated in the belief that they were inferior to men; feminism as a movement came about as a counter reaction to this system with hopes of changing this unequal and mostly exploitative order. This, somewhat explains, if not legitimizes the resentment and vexation that drove early feminists. The rigor in dealing with the oppression of women was appropriate at a certain period where women had to radically shake up the status-quo, have it changed and free themselves from the “oppression”.

Context has played a major role in how feminism was and is currently realized. Subject to time, historical moments and culture, feminism has manifested in different phases and forms. Early feminists in the Western part of the world sought to ameliorate boundaries that were set against women like women’s suffrage, thus promoting women’s right to vote; legal and social parity among others (1). Due to pre-colonial structures and women’s role in them, feminism in Africa was also propounded differently.

Feminists ought to be lauded for the feats they’ve achieved, meanwhile some feminist perspectives have to be critically examined.

One of these perspectives is exemplified by Gloria Steinem’s quote which says, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

The impact of radical feminist perspectives on relationships is adverse, causing some women to view lesbianism as the only option (2). Surely, I’m of the opinion that the accomplishment or value of a woman should not be arbitrarily tied to a man. This erroneous, albeit socially-powerful notion is often reinforced by and in media products which permeate our daily lives. These media products result in an over glorification of “romantic love”, something that many women necessarily have to seem to capture and maintain in order to be validated by society. This media produced image of what love should be, unsurprisingly leads to varying mixtures of disappointments and grief. Oh dear, I hope I have not lost you with my ranting, Dear Self.

Back to my point…what I’m trying to tell you is that, in the process of unshackling yourself from the unfair notion that you haven’t “arrived” unless you have tied yourself to a man, don’t fall into the equally unfair practice of “demonizing” men.  Male bashing is a common thing today; a lot of trolling is going on. Often times remarks that are meant to serve as compliments are often misconstrued and regarded as sexist (2); feminists out there are descending on people and attacking them for their opinions.
What happened to the freedom of expression?

Who is the real oppressor here?

So Dear Self, remember that times have changed and that everything which happens should be situated and put into the context in which one finds him/herself. Finally, remember that you have the power to create your own reality. Everyone needs someone; a woman needs man and a man needs woman. I leave you with this parting quote I hope you will ponder on:
“Everyone needs a place; it shouldn’t be inside of someone else.” – Richard Siken (3)