We're not the only ones spending all our time thinking about L.O.V.E. and romance (and not just because Valentine's Day is looming).

Researchers are always looking to understand the inner workings of a happy relationship through science. Now, it seems they have. May we present to you the Frankenstein's monster of relationship studies, which cobbles together all of qualities needed to be a successful couple. Your mind's about to be blown.

For starters, put down that phone. Members of a happy relationship don't text all that much. And, they certainly don't fight or make important emotional decisions over text. Phone calls, however, are acceptable. Though, if you do fight, you should try to have "angry but honest" conversations earlier on in the relationship. Apparently, it will make you happier in the long run.

In terms of your choice of mate, ideally, you'd be in a gay relationship. One study says that homosexual couples are "happier and more positive," whereas straight couples were less likely to make time for each other, pursue common interest, or successfully communicate. Shocking. If you're not gay, you can still avail of the benefits of a first-born/last-born match. This particular pairing feeds the oldest child's caretaker needs, and the youngest child's desire to be emotionally minded. Then, there's the third option of being in a straight, feminist relationship. Both men and women reported being happier when their partner was a feminist. Boom.

What else? You should both be college-educated and laugh at the same jokes. Also, couples who upped their sexy time from once a month to once a week were much, much happier. Though, the same study warns that couples who waited over a month to have sex for the first time were generally happier long-term. Are you writing this all down?

The list of qualities is actually quite extensive, but it's interesting to see how the scientific community gives love and the quality of relationships so much attention. Check out the full checklist, but remember that no union will have all these things. It wouldn't be any fun if it were perfect, right?