There are days when I look back and can do nothing but hate you.
I think about all the times you made me feel jaded, all the times that you made me feel neglected, all the times you made me feel inadequate.
I remember all the tears that were shed and all the moments wasted fighting for your attention. I think back to all the moment that I felt like a hollow soul and I question how I let it get this far.
But then I look closer at the pain and I realize, I am the only one to blame.
I should have been more observant.
You weren’t interested in what I had to say and you made it clear, but I still stood there screaming at the top of my lungs.
You were clear that you didn’t want to be a part of my everyday life, yet I kept inserting myself in yours, trying to make you see how good it could be.
You didn’t have to say you didn’t want me around, your actions said it all. I just had my eyes shut too tight to see it.
I shouldn’t have been so naive.
You weren’t interested in making my life a romantic comedy, yet I still dreamt it up in my mind that way.
You weren’t interested in anything more than a fling, but in the movies, they always change their mind; you will, too.
You never did anything to make me think that this was going to turn out the way I was hoping that it would. My optimism took over and blinded me to the truth.
I shouldn’t have been such a pushover.
You stuck to your rules and I buckled on mine.
You told me you weren’t ready for a relationship and I changed my needs.
You always managed to get your way and I always managed to let you have it. I always thought that making you happy would make you see things differently. I was wrong every damn time.
I shouldn’t have been so available.
You were always making plans last minute and I was always one to come running. You had an hour, I would be there in a minute.
I would change my plans, I would go out of my way, I would stop the world if it meant that I got to spend just a moment with you.
You were selective with your communication with me and I always picked up for you no matter what.
I shouldn’t have let myself fall alone.
You never really told me how you felt and yet I was telling you my feelings every chance I could.
You drunkenly told me you liked me once and I was ready to propose.
You never made an effort to even properly take me out on a date and yet I was there falling for a stranger I knew nothing about.
You let me fall on my own and I was the one who had to catch myself on my own.
When I look back, I can’t hate you.
I am frustrated by the way you treated me. I am irritated that I let you manipulate me in such a condescending way.
I am confused as to what you ever really wanted from this in the long run.
But, more importantly, I am disappointed in myself, because I could have prevented this from happening all along.
– Kristen Buccigrossi
- MTN FA Cup wrap: AshGold breeze into semis, Hearts survive late scare
- 6 things we learnt from Newsfile
- Slain police officer, Emmanuel Osei in Jamestown bullion van attack promoted to Lance Corporal
- Covid-19: Current data suggests we are in our 3rd wave – Ghana Medical Association
- Akufo-Addo must admit fault, lead government to resume fight against Covid-19 – Kpebu
- Covid-19: Delta strain 200 times more lethal than Wuhan strain – Pharmacist
- Covid-19: We can’t continue to pray to God; let’s follow the safety protocols – GMA
- Adomako Baafi wins GHS 100,000 in Betway’s Euro Goal Rush Promotion
- Active Covid-19 cases hit 4000 amid fears of third wave
- Tokyo 2020: Zambia’s Banda sets Olympic women’s football marker with two hat-tricks in two games
Akufo-Addo to address the nation as Covid-19 cases hit 100k
Ghana surpasses 100K Covid-19 infections as third-wave gathers momentum
JoyNews’ The Law to discuss anti-LGBT bill and threats of stifling free speech
Government to establish girls STEM SHS in Accra
GOIL wins award for best corporate governance company at Millennium Excellence Awards
Tema MCE commissions transport terminal, motorway interchange
Use your intellect and knowledge to solve societal problems – Bawumia
Belgium devastated by flooding for second time in just over a week
Playback: ICGC Sunday service with Mensa Otabil
Third Navarrete fight a possibility-Isaac Dogboe
He was a father for all – John Mahama eulogises Prof Atta Mills at 9th wreath laying ceremony
MTN FA Cup wrap: AshGold breeze into semis, Hearts survive late scare
Coordinator for Zongo Development reiterates government’s commitment to develop Zongos
Active Covid-19 cases hit 4000 amid fears of third wave
CAF Women’s Champions League qualifier: Hasaacas Ladies lose first game against River Angels