Relationship coach and author, PG Sebastian, agrees with most who say that having an affair is one of the biggest cardinal sins in marriage. But he says accusing your spouse of cheating without hard evidence could cause unnecessary damage to your union.

“If you don’t have hard facts, you end up being the one that’s insecure. You’ll end up being the one looking bad in the end,” he told guests at the 15^th annual Joy Bridal and Beauty Fair.

He said that in many instances, he witnessed that spouses inadvertently accuse their partners of cheating due to factors outside of their control. One of them? Natural-born characteristics.

“Be mindful of who they really are,” Sebastian said. “Characteristics that they naturally have cannot be changed but does not necessarily mean that they’re cheating.”

Examples he gave include, partners who are aloof, reserved or those who like to be alone. Certain behaviours they exhibit do not necessarily mean anything, he added.

However, there are subtle signs you should look into if you suspect something is wrong, he cautioned.

Most of them revolve around actions.

“When they all of a sudden lose interest, and their conversations start to lose stimulation, something could be wrong,” he said.

It could mean he’s gained the attention from someone else, he said.

Alternatively, if he suddenly has a high demand for sex and is introducing new fetishes into the bedroom, it could be a warning sign as well.

“He could be trying to get you to do what he’s doing with someone else without your knowledge.”

Don’t ignore it when she abruptly becomes critical of things about yourself you haven’t changed, Sebastian warned.

If she suggests you start wearing your clothing a certain way or proposes you wear new cologne, “she [could be] transferring what she sees in another man and attempting to mold you into him.”

Also, be leary if he rushes to answers phone calls from numbers that aren’t saved on his phone, he says. A rushed “I’ll call you back,” when he receives phone calls could be another telltale sign.

And of course, texts and phone calls received at odd times of day should raise eyebrows, but he added that most people are plugged into work even after hours, so those phone alerts could be work-related.

But most of all, there’s one thing that speaks louder than most:

“Your gut. Sometimes you will just get a feeling. Don’t ignore your intuition.”

If you believe your spouse is cheating, Sebastian advises that you simply ask, seek counseling, and most importantly, “pray about it.”